It's going to be a bumpy ride

[Trixi]

Journaling:
Well, we went to a nice dinner (prime rib, peach magaritas, etc) and to a movie.

On the way out the door to hit the road, one of guys on my 'team' called. I had warned him a couple days ago that I was probably going to be a bit "sassy" because my sitch is bringing out my backbone. So, he was trying to tease me about something and I teased right back and he said "Oh yeah. What was that word you used? You know, how you're going to take your frustration out on me?" [he wasn't serious] and I said "Sassy--I'm gonna be sassy and you better watch out!" My H was walking around and heard me say that.

In the car, he asked who I had been talking to. I told him and explained that my patience level for taking "crap" is at an all time low so I had warned I'd be "sassy" and my H said "Good. You should be sassy." (Anyone seeing a pattern? LOL)

I then proceeded to do a bit of a rant about my mother; she is causing me a lot of grief in her "support". My daughter and grandparents were both shocked at our separation and she took it upon herself to enlighten my daughter as to why it shouldn't be shocking (grrrr!!!!). When my grandparents said "We're so surprised; they're so affectionate and kissy/huggy" my mother said that it wasn't real. That it was just me pursuing him, but that he didn't really care. {side note-when she told me that she was telling them this, I told her she was wrong and she just said I was in "denial" ARGH} So, I was telling my H this story and he got really po'd and said "Of course it was real! Who does she think she is?! She has some nerve. There is no doubt that I love you. I love you a great deal. I feel like I tried and I just have to do this. Wow! Well, you and I know that what we have is real and that our feelings are real. She sure is something! She just doesn't know what real love is. She has always been jealous of us and our relationship. It's situations like this that show why we need to ignore our parents." (Her relationship with my stepdad SUCKS bigtime. Hence the jealousy reference.)

Dinner was good. He did say at some point during the night that he sometimes does feel terrible and wonder if he is making the right decision; and again he said that he is very open to changing his mind. He doesn't know how he will really feel once he moves out.

Movie was good; as per usual we held hands. Held hands while driving in the car.

He had to work very late Wednesday night, and came home around 2am and we had sex. So, last night, by the time we got home and into bed, we were both pretty tired and then I said "wow. No [pet name for sex] on our "acknowledgment" night?" and he said "I'm just so tired...Besides, we did have [pet name] last night and it was after midnight so that WAS on our 'acknowledgment' day." Good thing we didn't goof around- he got called at 3am with a work issue, and then at 6am with the same issue. He's been on the phone already an hour trying to get it ironed out. He is not a happy camper.

Tomorrow (move out day) is gonna be a tough one. Not sure what to do with myself. Part of me doesn't want to be here, but the "shock" of coming home to a house without him would be terrible. On the other hand, *watching* him move his clothes out, etc, probably won't be on the top of my "fun things to do on a Saturday" list. But I think I want to be able to say "goodbye" and wish him well. I don't know. Sh!t. I am starting to cry just thinking about it.