Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[LoginName]

journaling,
She is coming back today, this evening. She will be here about a week and then returning to AR with my daughter. Last night, I barely slept. I can't believe I'm letting my daughter go.

I keep going over it in my head. I think it's my fears that make me want to keep my daughter here. Thinking rationally, I think my W and I do have a small chance of success (I used to say better than 50%. Ha! We'll see). I think that my daughter going with my W is best for my daughter whether my W and I reconcile or divorce. Either way, I will demand liberal visitation, or to be primary care giver (whatever the legal terms are).

I believe that the better my W and I get along, the more we treat each other as friends and with respect, the better off the kids will be.

I desparately want to talk with my W - R talk of course. I will resist. But I can't let her talk my daughter without telling her how I feel. I don't know what I'll tell her. Some I should keep to myself. For instance, does she know I could file for divorce and it would keep her from taking the kids out of state? Does she know how I've restrained myself, and how much I'm trusting her with my daughter? Does she have a clue what this feels like to me, how much it hurts? If she does, that's a good sign the marriage is over. If she can hurt me this much and not care, or not care enough to fix it, then the M is over.

I don't agree when people say they deserve to be the most important person in the others life. I think it can be great if that happens, but your spouse doesn't have to make you the center of there life. I do think that in a M, the partners have to keep each other safe and not hurt each other. How can you love someone who has hurt you so badly?

That's all I have time to write right now. Aaaaargh.