What is the solution? I have no freaking clue. I have asked on here before, apparently most people don't know.
Really?? because it seems like most of us keep telling you the same things and you keep ignoring us.
1) You need to figure out her love language and SPEAK IT regularly 2) You must figure out your purpose in life and begin living that purpose
Is that direct and succinct enough for you??
Deida even says that us guys should never stay with a women whose desire is lower than our own.
Don't even bother quoting little self-serving Deida snippets if you haven't read his book and have not achieved Deida's main points. I have not completely read it but I was unable to find what you just wrote. As I peruse the book, here are some direct quotes:
Page 27 "Your purpose must come before your relationship. Every man knows that his highest purpose cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, dis-serves the universe and cheats his woman of an authentic man..." Are you an authentic man Cemar?
Page 51 "Stop hoping for your woman to get easier. A woman often seems to test her man's capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose. She tests him to feel his freedom and depth of love, to know that he is trustable....he should appreciate that she does these things [tests] to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing."
Page 53 " But if you are a man who is living his fullest, willing to play his edge and grow through difficulties, then you will want her to test you. You may not like it. But you don't want her to settle for some bozo who depends on his woman's response to be happy." Let me repeat that "But you don't want her to settle for some bozo who depends on his woman's response to be happy."
"If you are aligned with your mission, you are essentially happy, even though times cycle between difficult and easy. You don't need your woman's stroke to fulfill your mission. It still feels good when she strokes you, but you don't need mommy anymore, telling you what a good boy you are. And your woman doesn't want you to need mommy."
"If your woman is weak, she may settle for a weak man... But if she is a good woman, a strong woman, she won't tolerate your childish needs for a pat on the head... A good woman will love the childlike part of you, but she wants your life to be guided by your deepest truths, NOT your untended childhood wounds."
"So she will test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots, especially in moments of superficial success in order to feel your strength. if you collapse, you've flunked the test. You have let your woman deflate you. You have demonstrated your dependence on her for external validation." And I will repeat this: "You have demonstrated your dependence on her for external validation."
Page 54: "The most loving women are the women who will test you the most. She WANTS you to be your fullest most magnificent self. She won't settle for anything less."
Page 61: "Praise her. The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely."
Page 62: "Praise specific things you love about your woman 5-10 times a day."
Page 63: "A man gets resentful and frustrated with his woman when he is too afraid, weak or unskilled to penetrate her moods and tests of love."..."A man shouldn't tolerate bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then if she cannot or will not open up in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he knows he has done everything he could."
Wow, Cemar, are those last two sentences the part you are referring to?? It looks like you have a lot of work ahead of you before you can get to the point of ending your relationship with your wife. At least according to Deida.
Disclaimer: I find Deida VERY interesting and he has many interesting points. I tend not to follow ANYONE wholeheartedly but to at least listen and acknowledge the truths that are there. Almost anyone will tell you that using external validation in place of self-validation is a recipe for disappointment and unhappiness.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
