She will come home, or I'll find it in my own mind

[dlt1]

Hi Atlas,
From what you have described, this analysis of W makes sense. Just as you have been working on you, she needs to work on her. And it sounds like when she really does this, it will be much worse for her than it was for you. Your being her 'rock' I'm sure will pay its dividends in the long run (however long that may be). I agree you should avoid R talk. That's just too much for her. Perhaps when she brings it up, reassure her that you have plenty of time to figure it out. Keep it short.
I feel for you, my W is pretty down as well. Not to this extent, but it hurts knowing she hurts. It will be hard knowing all you can do is listen and be supportive. Keep up the good work!