Sheer physicality

[MJontheMend]

Okay, there are two things going on in the Hollywood example you gave. Jennifer Aniston wants the sensual pleasure of arriving home to a clean comfortable home AND Jennifer Aniston wants the validation that Vince cares about her. The more that Jennifer Aniston recognizes that the clean, comfortable home is a sensual pleasure that she craves in the greedy, selfish but absolutely healthy way that we all crave sensual pleasures, the easier time she will have separating that desire from her need for validation of Vince's love. I didn't see the movie but perhaps Vince does love and did miss Jennifer Aniston but instead of cleaning the house, he spent the day writing a love poem or fantasizing about hot sex with her or planning a weekend getaway or maybe he loves her and missed her but because he is a human being with his own selfish cravings for sensual pleasure, he spent the day eating potato chips and playing video games.

What if Vince hired a maid to clean the apartment before Jennifer came home? Would he love her as much? What if your wife hired an escort to give you a blow-job? Would that prove that she loved you or that she didn't love you?

I never naturally clean house to prove that I care about somebody. I do it because I like a certain amount of order myself and because I take pride in being a good citizen in a relationship. I really don't enjoy cleaning house.

I really do enjoy giving blow-jobs but I don't think I give them to prove that I care about somebody either. I give them because I enjoy the sensual pleasure myself and because I enjoy the ego gratification that I get when I am affirmed in my belief that I give great head. So, if you were married to a HDW like me you still wouldn't get your validation needs met through blow-jobs because you would KNOW that your HD partner wasn't doing it just to please you or prove her love or whatever would equal validation in your mind. She would be fulfilling her own wants, not yours. Therefore, you would still be unsatisfied and searching for the thing she could do that would fulfill your need for validation and you might find yourself obsessing about the fact that she never cleaned the coffee pot even though she knows you can't stand the taste of bitter residue and therefore she must not care about you and just be a selfish slut who only cares about getting her rocks off by giving you head.