forever21's journey still continues.....

[forever21]

Thanks Kman! Yep, good to be feeling good and taking care of f21.

LOL, HS. Thanks! Your post really made me laugh. No, he's not quite right in the head but I think he tries. We'll see. I'll keep looking out for myself, and see where things go.

I still have my doubts. As this latest stuff sinks in, I find myself thinking it's likely this is just another phase like he went through in March. He mentioned today that he will be having a lot more spare time now. Hmmm. I bet that is because things are not "on" with the latest gf. He could be wondering "what have I done" and scrambling to pick up the pieces temporarily... only to go back to his old habits. That is probably very likely. At least now I am not taking this personally. I get better and better at that as time has gone on. I am not going to settle, but I'm also much more humble.

I am looking forward to the opportunity to talk with him.... just not sure what I want to and/or should say. I HAD been ready to tell him it's time to D... and wanted to tell him in person. Now I'm AGAIN not sure about that. I really want to move FORWARD... NOT keep repeating the cycle. I need to be tough, but I'm not trying to just scare him off. I guess I will just try to be a good listener if/when we meet.

[sofaraway]

Hey J, I think you handled him very well and yes it may be more of his BS, but maybe its not....

See what happens next. Play it by ear. One day at a time. Cant think of any other metaphors right now, but you get my drift. Great job of not coddling him as well.

Things will fall into place J, just keep the faith.

Sorry I couldnt make Denver, would have loved to have met you finally.

Ian

[forever21]

Hi Ian! Thanks! Nice to know you think I handled him well. You are usually a good judge when BS needs to be spotted. I will be doing just that... taking it one day at a time. Thanks for the reminder to keep the faith. It's nice to hear. Yeah, sorry you couldn't make it to Denver too... would've been great to meet you, but totally understand. Peace.

[Trip]

I agree with playing it by ear as Ian says. Take your time with him. Watch and listen carefully. Remember the deal with what they say and do? If he genuinely wants to work on things it will all show through. If not, you will know this too. In the mean time, stick with what you are doing for you. You sound like you are on the right track and I am so happy for you. Good luck with everything you are doing with the Real Estate courses.

[sandi2]

Hi forever21,

I didn't have anything particular to talk about. However, I think you were the first person that responded to me when I first came on board. I just wanted to take the time to thank you again. I am in "piecing" now and things are much, much better. Just wanted to say that I think you have helped a lot of folks and we appreciate it.

Take care and hope things will turn out the way you want them to.

Sandi2

[forever21]

Thanks, Trip. Thanks for stopping by. Thought about you and FA last night, as I was in Tacoma to see a Vashon Island band. Had a great time too. Really enjoyed their music. You can listen to em at... trolls cottage

I appreciate the reminder about "what they say and do". So true, and that advice never gets old. I get the feeling he isn't likely serious about much and I doubt he has it in him right now. I don't know how long that might take IF he does move in a direction that I would favor... and I don't think I should wait to find out.

I find myself back to a place where I am really not as hopeful for him to "come around" again. Don't get me wrong, I haven't locked the door on him... just am not having any dreams of him suddenly waking up and becoming the great guy I deserve. It's funny (and good) how quick I "correct" myself now. It is easy for me not to be realistic sometimes.

The smallest things help bring me back to where I deserve to be, and they are no accidents. I feel like I am on my way to attracting the right things into my life now. Things are great, and only going to get better.

Hi sandi2. Great hearing from you! Thank you for that. Great to hear things are going much better for you. Never stop DBing. Peace and love.

[sofaraway]

I find myself back to a place where I am really not as hopeful for him to "come around" again. Don't get me wrong, I haven't locked the door on him... just am not having any dreams of him suddenly waking up and becoming the great guy I deserve. It's funny (and good) how quick I "correct" myself now. It is easy for me not to be realistic sometimes. \:\)

Don't get thrown off by this J, it's perfectly ok to go through these phases. In fact at some point you may go into this phase and that will be it, you just never know.

Keep that focus on you darlin and letthe rest roll right off of you. Your doing great.....

Ian

[forever21]

Thanks guys!

I am doing and feeling great, which is pretty wonderful considering the latest. I'm just feeling like steady eddy. Nothing earth-shattering, but my H is being awfully nice and loving to me again recently. And I learned a little more about why that is yesterday.

Apparently he got himself into some trouble, which is why he had been on paid administrative leave at work. He had to spend over 24 hours in jail recently (a first for him, but not really a surprise considering the way he's been living his life). He said it was over a fight he had with a guy. Sounds like it was somehow related to OW, but I haven't gotten the whole story yet. He says they were broke up before this, but also said they have been on and off their entire R. I actually asked him if OW had left him for this guy or something, and he said no. Whatever, point is he is just in this sad place of drama. He says the words about that being a rock bottom for him, but I am not hearing that in his tone at all. He sounds too arrogant and juvenile about everything. I know some of that is likely to be an attempt at self-preservation, simply feeling vulnerable, but I just want to say "get real". It seems like he really needs to be knocked down a few levels. So far it's looking worse for him than in March, when he at least ended up getting emotional and crying in person.

I'm not stressing over this, but I am trying to just process and wonder if I should be telling him I want to get started on a D. He is NOT a man I want to spend my life with right now, and I don't see how he can become that man any time soon. I am 35 and would enjoy being in a healthy, intimate R with a guy who offers as much as I do. I just don't know how that is gonna go down with him. I don't really look forward to him changing the way he is interacting with me, as this existence is pretty stress-free.... and that's really nice right now. I will have to talk to my C on Wednesday about this.

In the meantime, H is still really excited for me to go surfing with him sometime soon. I told him that would be nice but that I'd like to just meet over coffee or something first. I told him *I* would call him today. It is kinda tough for me to not just give him the blow off right now, because he is just so unattractive to me. But he might be trying to woo me like I had told him I wanted, so... UGG.

I'm just unsure how I should communicate my needs to him right now. Thanks for reading. Have a GREAT day all! Peace and love!!

[Trip]

Do you have to communicate your needs right now? Would it be that hard on you to go surfing and leave it at that? If so, I wouldn't go yet. If you have to let your needs be known then do so for you and let him show you different with actions. Until he does, I wouldn't necessarily buy a word he tells you.

[forever21]

Hi Trip. Thanks for posting!

I'm with you. I am not needing to let my needs be known too much right now. I covered the major points with him on that back in March. I am choosing not to TALK about any of that with him for now.... but I also am aware that I AM communicating through my actions even if they are small. Does that make sense?

I have worked hard to get to where I'm at with my communication with him. I am thankful to my C for showing me just how far I've come on this. I'm not yet where I want to be, but very happy with how far I've come. SO glad I have an appt on Wednesday too.

I think I'd do fine going surfing with him and just leaving it at that, as you say, but I needed time to think about it. The fact the surf conditions are no good right now has made it easy. There was part of me that was feeling a little unsure about going and hanging out with him for hours right away, knowing he is likely to fall back off the wagon next week. I had some concern with sending him the wrong message. I'm just taking the time to do what is best for me.

For example, this text he sent me last night stated that he "can always count on u when the chips are down". I don't know if the message "yep, you can ALWAYS count on me being here for you when YOU need me" is one I should be sending him right now. Maybe it's fine, and good. Just made me think twice about what I am communicating.

I called him a bit ago. It was a friendly short convo. We set a time to go out for coffee on Wednesday late morning. He actually listened and took action. He actually planned ahead and committed to a time. He is then going to let me use the truck for the afternoon. He asked if we were gonna be hashing things out. I said no, but that it would be fine with me if he wanted to and I truly meant it. I am just going with the flow... nothing is going to rock me. He was quick to say it wasn't what he wanted. He seems to be respectful of whatever I need to do, but told me he preferred to just hang out with me and talk. So, that should be fine. I'm looking forward to it.

OK, off to the gym... haven't been in too long.