We flipped pages, so I am re-posting with minor adjustments:
OK, I am once again trusting my DBing friends for advice.
My wife has started sleepwalking again. She only sleepwalks when she feels EXTREME guilt over something VERY BIG she has done. It seems that the affair is beginning to weigh heavily on her mind. Last night, she was sleepwalking (we have separate rooms). I got up to help her. She pretended it didn't happen and said she had to go to the bathroom. So I went to my corner. She took a long time in the bathroom, and when she got out, I tiptoed into the hallway. There was no mistaking, I could tell that the reason she took so long in the bathroom is that she had been crying. Folks, she's in way over her head.
Now given the fact that she has no interest in communicating anything with me, let alone something so emotionally weighty, I am wondering how to approach this with her. Here are the facts: - She knows that I want to salvage and improve the marriage. - She has committed (to me and many others) to ending the marriage - She still has some feelings for me. If she didn't, she wouldn't feel guilt. - She is taking anti-depressant medication - She considers me incapable of communicating with anybody. - She is VERY afraid of being on her own (no me, and no OM) - She is totally infatuated with OM, and considers him her soul mate
In order to assuage her guilt, she needs to end one of the relationships. Right now, I am the #3 man in her life (behind OM & father). It may indeed be do or die time for our marriage.
I am considering doing this: I will find something to talk about of some significance (not the weather). At the conclusion, offer my support and availability: "I just want to say something else: You know how I feel about you. Although I haven't always been there for you, I wanted to let you know that I am here for you now, if you want to talk about anything else. I care about you and am concerned about you. I know you have been sleepwalking. Tell me how I can help you." And leave it at that.
Any other suggestions?
BTW: One of the big complaints she has about me is that the last time she was sleepwalking (2 yrs ago), I didn't offer to help.
