Yes, she was lying. And I agree that marriage wouldn't have made a difference in what she did despite what she said. I've definitely noticed that she picks and chooses her religious values, but regarding the pre-marital sex, I could tell from the very beginning that it bothers her, so I believe her religious intentions are sincere. She had brought up many times making an honest woman out of her. I just stuck to it from the beginning that marriage wouldn't ever happen. I guess a wise choice in this case knowing what I know now, but definitely closeminded, and relationship limiting on my part.
But this guy she is seeing now that is already in another relationship and all 3 of them work at the same place. I don't think that is going to work out so well on the potential marriage material scale either. I don't understand why she would make any of the choices shes making lately.
I am not the type of person that ever says never. So many situations change. Just a month or so ago, I was planning my entire life future with this woman. But I don't think this relationship should or would ever be saved. I do think eventually she will come back and try. Her relatives believe the same. I was told so many times tonight that I'm the best guy for her shes ever been with and she is being foolish. She has been known in the past while I've lived next door to her for picking "loser" guys without any ambition that ask her to pay their bills for them. I was told today that she is throwing away tons of money on this new guy. Must be nice. Part of me becoming closer to her was wanting to protect her from some of the guys she was dating.
I am going to take all of these book suggestions and hopefully visit the library and find them. I have so little money lately. A major item in the business that I own just needed to be repaired this week at a cost of $1,000. I only have $500. In order to get it back, and it's needed, I'm going to have to go to -$500 in my overdraft tomorrow
She on the other hand got paid $600 today from her job. On the phone, she already sounded like she wasn't planning to pay me much of what she owes me (like she'd already spent it). And of all the things I mentioned earlier she owes me it's combined at over $1k. It's a total opposite.
The last straw just came in. I found out from another relative that $300 of her paycheck this week went to the relative shes been visiting as 1/2 the deposit on a new place. The relative will be moving from a 1 bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom apartment. Apparently my now ex-girlfriend intends to move 60-70 miles away. She owns her house nextdoor to mine and has 3 children (13, 16, 18) that apparently aren't invited. They've been staying more with other family members lately anyway as her focus has drifted increasingly elsewhere. She is making some insane choices. I now of course have to wonder if she intends to skip town without paying me back.
Tomorrow my goal will be to get her to sign a promissary note for the total amount I'm owed. If she doesn't sign, I suppose I will have to threaten getting her fired from her job which she seems to be trying very hard to keep lately as I know something that I'd be able to prove thats very against company policy. I might call the police as well to get the laptop she has made payments on back if she resists signing. I have the credit statements, and original box with serial number. My goal has now moved from reconsiliation to self-protection. It really isn't revenge, and neither was getting the phone turned off (I mainly wanted to stop speaking to her on it).
As for promises, we did, but I guess it doesn't matter much to a liar. In the beginning of our relationship, she sent a loveletter but I just wasn't looking for any kind of commitment so I kinda pushed and we agreed to make it purely sexual. That lasted a couple of months but feelings increased and there was a night that we each committed by firelight to being purely faithful and exclusive to each other. After the affair a year into it, she had to work for weeks to get me to agree to keep seeing her, and there were more promises and extended definitions of our relationship. She herself promised that she would never hurt me again in that way because she saw how much it effected me. Talk about a breach of trust.
I still think marriage means more to the religious. But I will state that despite being mislead and lied on, I'm going to keep more of an openmind about marriage in future relationships. I already commit to the principals of vows and oaths and I guess it probably helps build more of a bond and future. I just don't need a license and certificate but I guess that doesn't mean that I can't have one. I've never once thought about cheating with another woman, and I'd travelled back to visit my family home for a couple weeks at a time recently and definitely could've had opportunities. It just didn't interest me in the least. I guess I specifically want the one person full trusting relationship. I want to know nobody is bringing home a new disease. I want the friendship that working together to do something positive brings.
Tomorrow should be emotional. She been coming home on Friday for the past two months but I guess this week with the apartment down payment I'm not guaranteed of that (but she's made no extended arrangements with her kids, and moved none of her stuff). I've considered the fact that I might even see the new guy tomorrow with her in his new role. It would be cold but possible. We'll see.
I definitely wouldn't have even considered any kind of confrontation tomorrow but I have to protect myself and get the keys to my business and my home back, get promissary note signed, etc. Knowing that she is a risk of just taking off or doing anything makes it important that I forget about everything I was concerned about yesterday and focus on protecting myself.
