still hoping for an answer on the db coach. but it may have to wait. i had a pretty big eye opener with ic today.
so therapist didn't focus on me at all, but reviewed some things i said last time about w. started to ask questions and wanted a review of her behavior over the last two weeks. i hate to agree with him but i think he is right on with this.
so when my w left she was suicidal, i had no clue at the time, she told me weeks later. then she had the breakdown at my place and wanted me to take her to an inpatient care facility. then the change in clothes, music and new slang, which has all passed. then her talk about that i'm not he only problem, that she hates her mother and father, mother stole her childhood, etc... then today the car buying thing. which she backed off of and called and apologized for. which i said no need to apologize, it is her car and if she wants to trade it in she can. with her call saying she wants this to work but doesn't know how, feels like she is ruining her, s and my life.
so after all that he thinks she has had an emotional breakdown, duh! he thinks i need to keep doing what i am doing but drop all discussion of r or m for now. he says she needed you and you weren't there and you failed her. so now there is no trust. we talked about how her mother, only family member living here won't talk to her much, her new friends are not good choices and she said they won't listen and don't understand. he said this is going to be tough, but for her mental and physical well being your going to have to be there for her. he said if she starts to talk suicide again i need to get bil down her fast, but he said do this for her, don't talk to him about m/r or anything else. just for her well being.
i really think i agree with him on this. the one good thing is he says when this happens in a marriage it can work out and especially if you don't press and just help her for now. she will wake up one day and realize that the one person there for her is you.
so i'm going to just keep db'ing, really avoid all r talk, possibly even shut it down if she starts. i have to be there for her, every day is a swing for her and is sad. its either a horrible depression, crying, can't take care of s, or its i'm the best and cutest person ever i'm going to buy a car, house, new clothes, etc. he thinks she is trying to surround herself with things that she thinks will make her happey. he said make sure your there for her when she realizes that they don't because he thinks that fall will be worst then the initial blow.
