Abandoned Newlywed

[NikB]

One other thought on the storage.. I saw in another thread you're always catering to her, making it too easy, and she's lost respect for you. Storing all her stuff basically says "oh I'll do anything for you, live anywhere, do whatever you want, please please please just come back." Not exactly the image you want to portray. It also sends the message that you're not going to move on with YOUR life. I'm not saying you should be dating or even considering it right now, but your W would know full well that you're not going to have a "special someone" over if her stuff's all over your house. Let her wonder, worry, create some mystery by setting up a place that's ALL YOURS. And make it a healthy, happy place that you like being in, alone or not.

Also...it just makes sense to make HER responsible for HER stuff. Don't be a jerk about it, just business like, but I think this could be a really good move for you.

My thought would be to do one of the following:

- Tell W what date everything has to be out by (if she doesn't already know). Then do one of the following, whatever fits your sitch best:

1. Arrange a time for her to come over and finish packing/moving her stuff. Don't be there if she's uncomfortable seeing you, or if it's too hard for you to be there and be cool.

2. Arrange a time for her to come over and finish packing/moving her stuff. Offer to help carry boxes or heavy stuff, and do that. Be upbeat, friendly, act as if you're helping a friend or coworker with their move. (this will be hard, be sure you can do it).

3. Pack up her stuff for her, and arrange a time to bring it to her parents' house. This is actually my last choice of these options, but the advantage is the stuff gets out of the apartment and doesn't rely on her choosing to take care of it. Again, be business-like and friendly (it can be easy for this to come off as nasty or "FINE here's your stuff then"..don't fall into that trap).

4. If she completely insists on not doing anything about it and not letting you drop it off at her parents, I'd strongly consider donating it to charity. Check with a lawyer before you do this, just to find out your rights/responsibilities, and make SURE she knows what your plans are so she has a chance to get it first. If it comes to this I'd recommend something like "W I have to get everything out of the apt by XYZ date, and need to know what to do with your stuff. I won't be able to store it for you in my new place. Would you like to come get it, would you like me to bring it by, or should I donate it to charity? Please let me know by XYZ date." Say it nicely, business-like... like you might to a roommate who left all their stuff behind. Might be good to get in writing too (again, ask a lawyer).