Babbling on. I've been reading the Mama Gena book and it occurs to me that there is a big difference between asking somebody to give you pleasure vs. asking someone to give you validation although they might superficially seem like you are asking for the same thing. For instance, you could say:
A) Would you like to fix me a piece of pie?
or
B) I really feel like a piece of pie would taste great right now.
Cemar could say:
A) Why won't you give me a blowjob?
or
B) I would love to get a blowjob this weekend.
I think Corri tried to make this point long ago and I didn't get it at the time. When we communicate our desires in the form "Me Want X" we make it clear to ourselves as well as those with whom we are communicating that we understand that our desires are our own responsibility and therefore make them easier to be fulfilled because there is no sense of obligation or "tit for tat" or entitlement implied. Maybe Mick Jagger was wrong. It might actually be easier to get what you want than what you need because "want" is so much more attractive and easily fulfilled than "need". Validation almost always seems to be a need rather than a want. I think it would be another word if it was a want. Maybe affirmation. As in "I think I look fat in my new jeans so I need you to validate my hotness so I'm going to ask for your opinion" vs. "I think I look hot as h*ll in my new jeans. Thank you for affirming it with that wolf whistle."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
