I'm curious about your childhood -- specifically what your relationship with your mother was like and whether or not you were physically abused by either parent or a caregiver.
You seem to have a lot of contempt toward your wife, and toward women in general, and you learned that somewhere, perhaps from a poor male role model (with his own issues with women) or a poor relationship with your mother.
If you were abused as a child too, then I can understand why you are so obsessed with being desired by your wife, above all else. Otherwise, I'm afraid you just come across as terribly selfish and self-absorbed, and that is ANYTHING but attractive.
It is VITAL that you summon some compassion and understanding for your wife and all that she has endured and managed to accomplish in spite of it, and try to appreciate what she does for you and your children, or you will NEVER stand a chance of improving your relationship or your sex life.
I am not a religious person, but isn't that what Jesus taught? To have compassion and empathy for others, to "turn the other cheek," to forgive, to treat others as you would like to be treated?
