Okay so you understood that you were the one with the fused behavior. Good I did not want to have to point that out!!
What has led me to lose respect for her is watching her injure herself with damaging self talk or out of control anxiety without seeking out help of any kind in managing these issues.
I understand that a bit better although my reaction to people who injure themselves is more of pity. I guess that's a bit more personal. It's probably hard for me to hear because I am sure my XH viewed my struggle with bulimia more along the lines of lack of respect and not understanding it was a devastating mental state which was difficult to pull myself out of. It was definitely the most shameful period of my life for me and few people are aware of it. Partly because I assume, correctly I think, it would mean a loss of respect from some people. "How could someone have stooped to such a disgusting thing? Don't they have any self control? What is wrong with them?" (Ironically all the same things that we say to ourselves as we're trying to figure out how to quit!) Since I have directly heard those things about other people I am not sure why I wouldn't be thought of in the same way.
By the way, those closest to me ARE aware of the bulimia. I just don't necessarily feel like acquaintances need to know especially if they will not be supportive. I tend to look to surround myself with supportive and positive people.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
