I didn't see the loop close because I forgot that she could feel my disappointment and sense of failure that I felt in reaction to her continued bad mood/feeling. And she told me afterwards, in response to a direct question, that she did feel pressured to bounce back and feel better for my sake, which she couldn't do and felt guilty about not being able to do. And she could probably tell that her reassurances weren't working either, which only added to the pressure.
So she really had bad PMS that lasted longer than it used to, and I made it worse by needing her to reassure me while trying to pretend that I was comforting and reassuring her. I can do better on the latter, but only she can fix the former, and she has little faith that any medical intervention exists for her. I'm not a doctor, and I don't know for a fact that any medical intervention exists for her, but maybe some of y'all do. If so, I can advise, but overall it's not my problem, and I mustn't base my sense of accomplishment or failure on whether she takes my advice or not, or whether I can fix it for her or not, because when you get right down to it I can't and any sense of responsibility I feel toward her energy level or general health will just put her on the spot and make her feel worse.
And that "you know you want it" bit only works when I know she wants it, when I'm not desperate for reassurance that she still wants me. When there's desperation behind it, I can act cool and cocky all I want, she still hears my mind screaming "PLEASE be turned on by me!"
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/26/0707:20 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
