H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

thanks mike. a few things I wasn't clear about...they both are on the same team, but have home offices. according to H, this would be severely frowned upon even so. possibly because he's having an affair, but likely also that he used his expense acct to finance a good chunk of it. of course, he's expected to socialize/spend it on entertainment and hotels and such with the acct, so who knows if that actually matters. still, when I first found out, his panic was that I would go to his boss (???).

if he is offered/takes this job, he would still be working with OW...his current company would be his possible companys acct, it would be HIS acct. and she would likely step into his role, so they would have lots and lots of contact. even if she stays in her current role, they would. of course, even if they were completely unrelated job wise, they could still choose lots and lots of contact, so probably doesn't matter...unless he chooses to stay in the M.

I'd agree about your third point, if it didn't feel like he's already so gone from me, so commited to her. more likely he won't rock the boat with her. but hey, maybe I'll be surprised.

for your 4th point, you are right, more money is never a bad thing. in fact, it would be quite nice. but at the same time I worry about how I will be covered in certain things like health insurance...I've already talked to a couple of lawyers, I know how MA lays things out. I know the money already, I know that with a larger company/major health co, he will be required to keep me on even if he remarries (until I do, I think, but definitely until I get a job that has insurance). I'm worried because this is a very small company (25 people). not sure how that affects things. but will try to put that aside until I know for sure.

am curious if he'll even talk with me about taking the job first, or if he'll tell me after he's decided.

will take your advice about holding back on offering advice. I'm usually the person he comes to for stuff like this, and I have been able to get him stuff in the past he doesn't always think of. but will bite my tongue.

I'm going to hope against hope that you are right in the blowing hot/blowing cold. not that it necessarily makes a difference, but it helps me to stay the course.