Then she tells me ALL of the things that she has done during the day, almost fishing for compliments. Then she tells me ALL of the things that she has done during the day, almost fishing for compliments.And then she expects me to appreciate all she has done. I don't freaking CARE if the house is clean, or if the bathrooms are clean, DOMESTIC life when my life is devoid of physical intimacy. It's like "See how much I did today, aren't I a good wife". She is focusing all of her efforts on the WRONG stuff, and actually exhausting herself doing it. Why do women DO THIS! Who is telling women that this is the IMPORTANT stuff in marriage? I swear she does this to impress OTHER WOMEN, it certainly is not for me.
CeMar, how many clues do you need to point you in the right direction of what YOU need to be doing to get to the place you want to be? What you just wrote SCREAMS two of her love languages...and you are phoo phooing them, because they aren't yours. "Then she tells me ALL of the things that she has done during the day, almost fishing for compliments." She's looking for you to validate her efforts with "WOA's" words of affirmation (is this so hard?). "Then she tells me ALL of the things that she has done during the day, almost fishing for compliments." Here's another clue CeMar...AOS's, Acts of Service, another of HER love languages that you aren't acknowledging. While it's true it may not mean a whit to YOU that she's done this...if YOU disregard her attempts to please and be a good wife....then you are devaluing her. If it's important to her to keep a clean house for YOU and her family, validate her attempts man! Compliment her on it...again, is this so hard to do? It doesn't matter that it's not important to YOU that she does these things. Validate her.
"And then she expects me to appreciate all she has done. I don't freaking CARE if the house is clean, or if the bathrooms are clean, DOMESTIC life when my life is devoid of physical intimacy." Validating her efforts in this aspect would stand you in a much more positive place for her WANTING to be intimate with you...but phoo phooing all of this will make her feel devalued by you, and that will achieve the exact opposite of what you want.
If you refuse to speak her languages to her or make it seem like her wanting to be validated for things that aren't important to you (but are important to her)...I don't think you stand a snowballs chance in hell of getting her to speak yours to you....and in that, you have no one but yourself to blame.
Oh, and who tells women that this is important stuff in a marriage....society does. Home Economics in school does, magazines do, tv shows do, our parents who raise us do...would you like me to go on?
