so the w came by and we talked. Or I guess with the amount of time I would call it a chat. Probably lasted a total of 25 minutes, and she is obviously confused and upset.
Well she came in had a little chit chat, and then she broke in with how she is so confused and her whole life is in shambles. She said she has made new friends but they don’t understand or care, they are all pretty young, never married and she feels more experienced relationship wise and old. Said her family has pretty much quit listening and doesn’t want a lot to do with the whole divorce. She mentioned that at the family bbq yesterday, she was taking advice from her step sis, who had been through two divorces. She told w, that you can forget him being nice like he is, once you file you better don the bullet proof vest, because it only goes south. Ya great person to take advice from. She has cheated on both her husbands, and this last time everyone says it’s a mistake. Not hard to see, family witnessed a huge blow out with her new man calling her a witch with the b. last guy was an amazing guy, great father, she is a self sabotager.
I reassured her that I would be her friend and that I was here for her. She asked how the changes were going. Said she noticed again, and she said she thinks they are sticking, based off what I said last time. I told her that I’m finding out who I am and learning a lot.
She then started saying she was just too confused, and she didn’t think she could her son and me like she is doing, but the only way to stop it is to file for divorce. She then went on saying that her childhood was taken from her, her parents d ruined her, that she has treated herself horrible and I screwed her too.
W then said she wants to be here, but she just doesn’t know how to make it happen in her mind. I just supported and kept my mouth shut, she said she feels like the only person her for her now is me, but she can’t rely on me. She said she needs more space and time.
Then she called it quits and said she was going home to sleep. Wanted her to stay, pursued, dumb, but I told her she could hang out and we could stop talking about it. She said she couldn’t she had to sleep.
Another odd thing happened last night. I found some bottle caps in my backyard today, sort of odd. But the lady down the street, hadn’t met her yet, came by. She heard something going on last night around 2am, and there was a white Mercedes parked down the street, but these guys were in my backyard she said. I found the gate open today as well. As soon as she approached the car the all took off. The only thing I can think is some idiots looking for easy theft items. Just odd after the picture taker, also a nice car.
dlt1,
thanks, never lost my cool. if i don't drink i actually have no problem with that. only when i drink. hmmm, maybe a pattern.
well good night all, i love her, i have to tell someone. she is a princess and i cried after she left. not for myself, the selfpity is leaving, but for her. she is so confused and hurt and i'm such a big part of that. seems like her whole world is coming down on her at once, all i want to do is help.
so the w came by and we talked. Or I guess with the amount of time I would call it a chat. Probably lasted a total of 25 minutes, and she is obviously confused and upset.
Well she came in had a little chit chat, and then she broke in with how she is so confused and her whole life is in shambles. She said she has made new friends but they don’t understand or care, they are all pretty young, never married and she feels more experienced relationship wise and old. Said her family has pretty much quit listening and doesn’t want a lot to do with the whole divorce. She mentioned that at the family bbq yesterday, she was taking advice from her step sis, who had been through two divorces. She told w, that you can forget him being nice like he is, once you file you better don the bullet proof vest, because it only goes south. Ya great person to take advice from. She has cheated on both her husbands, and this last time everyone says it’s a mistake. Not hard to see, family witnessed a huge blow out with her new man calling her a witch with the b. last guy was an amazing guy, great father, she is a self sabotager.
I reassured her that I would be her friend and that I was here for her. She asked how the changes were going. Said she noticed again, and she said she thinks they are sticking, based off what I said last time. I told her that I’m finding out who I am and learning a lot.
She then started saying she was just too confused, and she didn’t think she could her son and me like she is doing, but the only way to stop it is to file for divorce. She then went on saying that her childhood was taken from her, her parents d ruined her, that she has treated herself horrible and I screwed her too.
W then said she wants to be here, but she just doesn’t know how to make it happen in her mind. I just supported and kept my mouth shut, she said she feels like the only person her for her now is me, but she can’t rely on me. She said she needs more space and time.
Then she called it quits and said she was going home to sleep. Wanted her to stay, pursued, dumb, but I told her she could hang out and we could stop talking about it. She said she couldn’t she had to sleep.
Another odd thing happened last night. I found some bottle caps in my backyard today, sort of odd. But the lady down the street, hadn’t met her yet, came by. She heard something going on last night around 2am, and there was a white Mercedes parked down the street, but these guys were in my backyard she said. I found the gate open today as well. As soon as she approached the car the all took off. The only thing I can think is some idiots looking for easy theft items. Just odd after the picture taker, also a nice car.
dlt1,
thanks, never lost my cool. if i don't drink i actually have no problem with that. only when i drink. hmmm, maybe a pattern.
well good night all, i love her, i have to tell someone. she is a princess and i cried after she left. not for myself, the selfpity is leaving, but for her. she is so confused and hurt and i'm such a big part of that. seems like her whole world is coming down on her at once, all i want to do is help.
last night a friend came by who is in town for a wedding. we talked for a while, he is going through his own d. seems like everywhere i turn lately, there are a lot of guys doing the same thing. not sure why, but i seem to be the only one working on my sitch. everyone else is dancing around the free life idea.
i can feel myself starting to detach. i think i'm protecting myself from her negative and d comments. i'm pretty conflicted right now in my thought, i think on the one hand she is just steading herself to take flight and on the other i think she is really lost and is starting to see that the grass isn't greener.
another thing i can't shake, i can tell she wants to tell me something and i think she is holding back, afraid that she will hurt me. i'm preparing for the a talk or om scenerio. no matter what i don't think i will lose my cool again, i'm too far from that anymore to even consider.
another thing that really bugs me is that w spends time at a bar that a good friend bartends at. friend is female and her boyfriend are really close to me. but lately they have gotten distant, seems like they are avoiding me. but they are pretty set that i need to move on. don't know if they have seen things at the bar that they can't bring themselves to tell me or not.
mostly i'm just thinking, need to keep rooted in the real. what she keeps saying is she is lost, can't decide, doesn't want to rely on me anymore, but is constantly reaching out for my help. welll on my way to work, will take s to her place and bring her coffee. i have s for the next two nights, so i'm excited. i think we are going to have to hit another baseball game, especially if the weather stays nice.
well good night all, i love her, i have to tell someone. she is a princess and i cried after she left. not for myself, the selfpity is leaving, but for her. she is so confused and hurt and i'm such a big part of that. seems like her whole world is coming down on her at once, all i want to do is help.
Atlas, I know how you feel. I feel the same way. I think what we have is called true love or unconditional love. I am always trying to help my W. I know she is confused and hurting. I am a fixer...so I try to fix things that are broken. This is one thing that I can't fix and it drives me crazy. I guess all that I care about is that she is happy.
The whole break down of love and being in love and attraction just drives me crazy trying to figure it out.
Your W was a product of divorce and she said it ruined her and now the only way not to hurt you or her son is to file for divorce. Doesn't make sense.
My W says strange contradictory stuff also. She said if she could change her feelings she would but how do you do that. I think it takes time. We have to give them time and space to explore and to really collect and examine their feelings and I think ultimately they will work these things out in their head.
Will we still be there is the question? I have sort of disconnected and accepted the sitch also. It is a big step but I think it is one that has to be taken for us to really move on and improve ourselves.
Guys That is the hardest thing to really "accept". Time. It takes time. Feelings come back.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Thanks for the encouragement. The waiting does stink, but I will do that for her. It's really funny, because the biggest change people are noticing is my patience. I'm not a patient person, never have been, always a fixer, doer and a driver.
For the first time ever, I have stopped, slowed down and taken a look at and smelled the roses. This is my life, and it sucked before, no room for love whatsoever. Another thing I noticed, is that now I'm busier then before with work, friends, my S and W. But it has all slowed down, not the slow from this sitch sucks, but the perspective has changed. What is important has changed. With that life has slowed to an easy pace with a good background song.
My mother is just floored, father always said my temper would land me behind bars one day, and now they told me last night that I have either lost it or I'm really doing well at this. Either way they like the new me.
Well who knows, tomorrow may be crazy day!
Dropped S off, didn't say anything about last night. Didn't apologize, nothing! Brought W her coffee, she asked me to sit and threw her foot in my lap. I do have to say this foot rubbing thing is taken me places, especially since I've never been a big foot guy. I might just rub her foot right back into my life, haha. Didn't have long 15 minutes, said I had to go and got the whiney no from her. Feels good to feel wanted. Even though she doesn't say those things, her actions are one and her mouth another.
That is the hardest thing to really "accept". Time. It takes time. Feelings come back.
I oftentimes worry about this. If the W states that she doesn't think she was ever in love with you (not sure my W said this), how likely is it that she can be? I don't know. To try and and put myself in the WAS's shoes, I try to go back to a time when I was dating someone and decided I didn't want to be with them anymore (I have to go back to highschool for this, though, so I'm not sure I can really apply it to adult sitchs). I question if I could be in love with that person today, and I keep getting this "no" answer each time. That's what scares/worries me so much. However, that POV doesn't have any big changes thrown in. Maybe if they were different people, then possibly...
You know I worry about that as well, but not that much. I've always been this firm believer of the soul mate thing. But after reading diffrent books about the evolution of a relationship, I don't buy the I was never in love with you statement, and I have heard it. You don't make a child with someone, and live the life you do for a decade because your confused. It's a defense mechanism, they tell themselves they don't love us, because then it makes their decision easier.
Feelings always follow experiances. I was reading someone success story last night and noticed something. WAW was gone, moved in with OM, but LBH was home DB'ing. Always upbeat, always there. Well OM couldn't take it, became resentfull, defensive and asked too many questions. W analyzed her sitch and realized the H is kind, nice and I do love him, she went home. OM asked what he had done wrong? Everything! Feelings follow experiances.
Atlas You hit a cord w/ me. Did you know that there are nerves in your feet that stimulate an area of the brain similar to those (close to I guess) that are active during sex!
Keep up the foot rubs. As you can read from my sitch, I am big on rubs as they keep some physical contact going when there otherwise is none. You may be right about rubbing her feet right back into your life!
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
