Today is a difficult day. I meet with the lawyer to file. I know it is the right thing to do but it is still sad. I know I will feel better when it is all done.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and what I want out of it. I realize that my needs were really not being met for a long time in this marriage. I always wanted a partner that would want to spend time with me. H has too great of a need to be by himself on the computer. I also had a much greater need for affection and s*x than H did. I wonder if my expectations were unrealistic.
Before the kids were born, H was able to give me more time. Afterwards, he pulled back because he was not willing to give up his free "alone" time and there were the needs of the children. H actually stated that he felt that the 4 hours of the day that he had alone by himself were insufficient and he wanted even more time alone. (My only alone time was the time I was driving to/from work. His alone time was time in the morning on the computer before we all got up in the morning.)
What is a reasonable amount of time to want to spend with your loved one interacting in a day? I know in the book "His Needs, Her Needs" they quote a 14 hours a week time estimate as the amount of time you should spend interacting with a partner. I was lucky to get a half hour a day from H. (He would fall asleep because he got up so early to have his time alone.) I always felt like I was pushing him to try to get attention. I have never had another long term relationship and wonder if there are really men out there that would want to spend that much time with their partner. I am just trying to picture a new life in the future and what the possibilities could be. I am also trying to get a non-idealistic view of what my marriage was like. I thought I had a happy marriage but maybe I just had a happy life.
I also decided that I am going to offer to sponsor a "game night" as a social event for my New Beginnings divorce recovery group. I always love playing games and I am sure other people must too. I have a huge collection of board games and I think it would be a fun event. People could donate $5 each for pizza and we could just get together at my house and play different games. Do you think people would be interested in something like this?
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
