LS: First, if you recall, my wife just went on a trip to see OM. So I feel for ya brother. I was able to keep my head up by thinking of the responsibility I had to take care of my kids. I didn't dwell on what she was doing or who she was with. Did I think about it? Oh, yes, I wasn't able to hide from those thoughts. But my advice to you is that as soon as you start thinking like this, go do something with one of your kids. Or if you are working, go do something different in a different part of the building. Just MOVE away from what you were doing.
And when she returns, YOU MUST SHOW PMA!! Do NOT be passive aggressive. No grunting, slamming drawers, etc. Act as-if. It will be difficult, but I know you can do it. Don't ask about the trip, and don't be hostile. I don't know you, but passive-aggressive/hostility is probably what she expects (I know my wife expected it from me).
Regarding telling her she is hot, my DB Coach advocates what she calls "drive-by flirting." Say something like, "nice legs... smooth" and walk away.... leave her wanting more. A slap on the ass is OK, just don't hang around after you do it... leave. She WILL want more... but you will be gone (let me say that, in my situation, we are not there yet. She has so tightly shut the door to me that I believe that any flirting I do would not register. It is, however, something I plan to do later. So make sure that the time is right for you to use this tactic).
Finally don't make the mistake of reading into anything she says or does. For example, I got a friendly call from my wife last night that, I later learned, turned out to be made at the request of OM.
Bottom line: Keep your chin up and hang in there. Do not quit! This is war. Both our wives and their OM's are working against us. Fortunately for us, we have a army here at db.com working WITH us. We will be victorious.
