Hey tiredandlost- Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing OK. I sense depression setting in, though. If my mind isn't occupied doing something, I feel down and sad. I doubt I will seek medical attention for it. My remedy of choice is to get back to the habit of exercising 3-4 times a week. I stopped doing it about two weeks ago, and I have noticed the slide down the slope.
Did some GAL with the kids yesterday. Wife continues to respond irrationally, and she accuses me of corresponding with OM's wife. I am just acting as-if, and going about my business. Funny how she is almost jealous of her... If she had no
I know she is not happy. My concern is that she believes that a D will end her unhappiness. I suspect OM is pushing her toward it. Working in my favor is the fear I believe she has of the reality of the whole thing, especially of how to deal with the appearance of her with another man before the ink is dry... especially with the kids. I am their FATHER, and they will soon figure out that she burned me pretty bad. This will not put her in good favor with them, esp the 14 yr old. He's old enough to figure it all out.
I have work to do. I need to demonstrate that I can communicate (LISTEN), and continue to GAL, with particular focus on the kids.
That's an interesting perspective. What she doesn't realize is when she finally wakes up it may be too late.
Children are very smart. They know EVERYTHING that goes on.. we don't give them enough credit.
As far as the depression... been there honey, im dealing with the same for the past 3 days. I too am just trying to concentrate on the kids, but its difficult when I have to talk with him a lot during the day because of business stuff..
Blessings~
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
My H called last night and said do you and Ryan-S want to split a house at the shore next week. I said what do you mean split? H said "you take the house the first half of week and Ill take it the second half. We can take turns at home watching the dogs". I said no im not doing that. I was so dissapointed I thought he meant that we would go away together. H said "i thought I was doing something nice". I said nice would be if we were going on vacation as a family. I got mad and said your still talking to O/W arent you? I was just so hurt.
Me 43 H-49 S-13 bomb- May 07 M-19 years T-29 years
"The OW/OM is their drug of choice. This person helps them to numb their pain from the past versus deal with it. They run right in to the arms of someone who will understand them and not judge them. The OW/OM are a temporary bandaid to their search for happiness."
That about sums it up for my wife...
My counselor said it is like spouse being addicted to drugs/alcohol. The op is the drugs or the phone or web cam is the whiskey bottle. Never the less people get cured all the time, I guess they need to realize it's a problem first.
Light
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Well, no surprise here. I caught her in another lie. For her next business trip in early August (this one is legit, where the previous one was just a trip at OUR expense to get laid), she lied to me and told me she is required to stay one day more than she actually will. So rather than fly home on Saturday evening as she told me, she is flying home on Friday evening. No secret here, she is somehow going to work out time with on that Saturday. I am tempted to meet her at the airport. I won't do it, but it makes for an interesting idea...She does not know that I know.
She offered to show me the email that had the dates on it. I could ask to see the travel agent itinerary instead...
I am tempted to confront her. What do you think, should I? OK, now that I think about it, it would accomplish nothing, and only drive her further from me. So as I think this through, the lie is more valuable to me as a lie. Reason being, the weight of all these lies (I hope) will eventually weigh too much for her conscience to bear. OK, well, I just made my decision... and you all witnessed it! *sigh* When will it end...?
On a positive note, I heard from OM's wife. It seems that we have reason to suspect that, in addition to my wife and his wife, the OM may have yet another OW... what a S-T-U-D he is...
HELP PLEASE OK, I am once again trusting my DBing friends for advice.
My wife has started sleepwalking again. She only sleepwalks when she feels EXTREME guilt over something VERY BIG she has done. It seems that the affair is beginning to weigh heavily on her mind. Last night, she was sleepwalking (we have separate rooms). I got up to help her. She pretended it didn't happen and said she had to go to the bathroom. So I went to my corner. She took a long time in the bathroom, and when she got out, I tiptoed into the hallway. There was no mistaking, I could tell that the reason she took so long in the bathroom is that she had been crying. Folks, she's in way over her head.
Now given the fact that she has no interest in communicating anything with me, let alone something so emotionally weighty, I am wondering how to approach this with her. Here are the facts: - She knows that I want to salvage and improve the marriage. - She has committed (to me and many others) to ending the marriage - She still has some feelings for me. If she didn't, she wouldn't feel guilt. - She is taking anti-depressant medication - She considers me incapable of communicating with anybody. - She is VERY afraid of being on her own (no me, and no OM) - She is totally infatuated with OM, and considers him her soul mate
In order to assuage her guilt, she needs to end one of the relationships. Right now, I am the #3 man in her life (behind OM & father). It may indeed be do or die time for our marriage.
I am considering doing this: We need to talk about something anyway (I would like to cancel cable service when school starts. She LOVES TV, and would find this a difficult adjustment, so it will be a significant talk). At the conclusion, offer my support and availability "I just want to say something else: You know how I feel about you. Although I haven't always been there for you, I wanted to let you know that I am here for you now, if you want to talk about anything else. I care about you and am concerned about you. I know you have been sleepwalking. Tell me how I can help you." And leave it at that.
Any other suggestions?
BTW: One of the big complaints she has about me is that the last time she was sleepwalking (2 yrs ago), I didn't offer to help.
Good morning, Mark. I have no particular advice on your question above. However, just wondering why you want to cancel cable service when you know it will upset your wife? If it's a financial reason can you discuss the financial concerns and look at a joint budget. Having her input BEFORE you make such a decision would help tremendously I would think. If it's related to the children and taking away from homework time I would think there would also be a way to make a joint decision about it. Limit time? Limit channels? Just a thought to not drive a bigger wedge between you and your wife.
I think what is important is that I need to find a subject of significance to "grease the wheels" - start a conversation and get her talking before I talk about the sleepwalking.
So perhaps I should either discuss ways to manage the kids' TV time, or find a different subject. Thanks for the advice.
