Interestingly that you should mention this fearless because that is exactly what H and I have said to the MC on several occasions, thinking it was a "good thing" when in fact, it is a bad thing because MC said (and I am quoting here) that if one is up and one is down, you never have a chance to really connect and understand the other person because you are always in two different places in your R.
I think Schnarch would agree. You can see all the sex-killing dynamics that can develop along these lines such as placator/placatee, parent/child, moper/cheerer-upper, or plain old HD/LD etc. OTOH, if you think about any sexual dynamic that operates from the same level such as being naughty kids together or sophisticated adults or grinning muscular animals it's much hotter and more connected. Although, it almost certainly would have bespoken a different sort of dysfunction, it would have been a lot more "sexy" if in response to my 2bx's comments like "you are too nerdy to f*ck" I had responded by saying "Yeah, well you are too f*cking uptight to f*ck. I guess I just forgot for a moment. My bad." because then we would have been on the same level.
But on the other hand, people do get down from time to time; there's no getting away from it. If the partners take turns "pulling each other up", then you don't get an entrenched sex-killing dynamic like parent/child, etc. If one partner's always down and the other's always up, on the other hand, then bad things start developing. Of course when each individual partner is healthy enough to minimize their "down" time, the relationship is better.
Can one partner "pull up" the other and at the same time really want to have sex? I would guess not, not to the same degree as if both partners were at the same level. So it's best if they're both "up" most of the time. But both being "down" at the same time is a whole lot worse than one being up and one being down, and having them switch back and forth is a whole lot better than having them frozen in unequal roles.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
