What does your love language have to do with complimenting her? What you seem to MEAN is that you are so resentful about not getting what you want from her that you cannot appreciate anything else she does. True? So if she is not speaking your love language, then you will not speak her love language. Is that the case? That is not what I mean. My wife does something that I see from some of the other LW ladies on this board. She fills her schedule with an incredible number of things, loves to be very busy. Then she tells me ALL of the things that she has done during the day, almost fishing for compliments. She seems to think that she is doing this for US. So she just expended all of her energy for the day doing things that really don't matter to me, they matter to HER. And then she expects me to appreciate all she has done. I don't freaking CARE if the house is clean, or if the bathrooms are clean, DOMESTIC life when my life is devoid of physical intimacy. It's like "See how much I did today, aren't I a good wife". She is focusing all of her efforts on the WRONG stuff, and actually exhusting herself doing it. Why do women DO THIS! WHo is telling women that this is the IMPORTANT stuff in marriage? I swear she does this to impress OTHER WOMEN, it certainly is not for me.
What does your love language have to do with complimenting her? What you seem to MEAN is that you are so resentful about not getting what you want from her that you cannot appreciate anything else she does. True? So if she is not speaking your love language, then you will not speak her love language. Is that the case? No. I will glady speak her love language. But she does not have the ability to speak my love language. Being very LD, this makes it almost impossible for her to speak physical touch ENTHUISIASTICALLY ( in other words, with desire).
As for the LD being the determining factor, I can understand your points that the HD person may have caused the LD. But the LD is still determines if the marriage succeeds. Successful and quality marriages normally are those that have the smallest differences in sex drives. If the HD person changes and becomes a high quality spouse, will that fix the marriage, no. The fix is that the LD spouse must CHANGE their level of desire. If the LD spouse can not change their level of desire, there is absolutely NOTHING the HD spouse can do to fix their marriage. If the LD spouse is the woman and the HD spouse is the man, the LD woman actually has the ability to change the marriage DIRECTLY, while the HD man can only change the marriage INDIRECTLY.
Otherwise it must feel very hopeless to have to sit and wait for someone else to do the work to make you happy. If men could truly be happy on their own, then why would we need women? I can go through life and be happy wihtout a great sex life. I can also go through life and HAVE a greate sex life. THe second is SO FAR beyond the first in levels of happiness as to make the first seem UNHAPPY. On the happiness scale it is like a 10 versus a 5.
