What is really hard is to NOT throw around that new sense of power, the power that Choc has come into. What is hard is to control yourself the pent up anger and frustration built up over years of being neglected, the building sense of revenge for all the perceived injustice you feel you have had to endure over the years, to not get swept into the mindset that your spouse deserves everything you can muster to throw his/her way. What is hard is to stuff all those emotions and summon up the ability to FORGIVE your spouse and work long and hard at forging a recovery. THAT is hard. THAT takes guts. Filing for divorce is the easy part.
I think the important realization to come to is that any sense of "power" gained upon ending a relationship is really just "power" you needlessly gave up within the relationship so if you feel anger it really should be directed at yourself. I really don't feel much anger towards my 2bx at this juncture, what I feel towards him is more like what I feel when I click on "Not Interested" when a man with whom I know I am not compatible approaches me on Match. If I was interested in nihilistic exercises, I could let my 2bx move back in tomorrow and just continue on with my current level of functioning. I guarantee he would pop right out of the relationship again in short order. If everything that Choc is doing is just a reflection of what he feels is the right thing to do to function well as a person or according to his personal set of values then he's doing the right thing. If Mrs.Choc can figure out how to raise her own functioning in a manner that would allow her to integrate herself back into a relationship with Choc at his current level of functioning then I'm sure things would go well for them in the future and Choc would be able to be forgiving. I do not agree with the premise that you have previously stated that it's a good idea to increase fusion in order to lend functioning to a partner in an attempt to forestall the end of a relationship. I don't think it will work.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
