Thanks for your support. I've pretty much given up trying to convince Cobra of anything, because he seems as stubbornly set in his position as he accuses me of being in mine, and I really have no energy nor desire to enter into a protracted debate about something that I've prayed so hard about and have such a peace about.
So I will say this once, as succinctly as I can.
Cobra, I don't know how long you've been on this board, or at what stage you started following my sitch. My last three years of "don'tgiveachitness" is NOT the whole story. For 15+ years, my marriage has been a series of "The Talk"s with my wife, and while I may not have always handled her rejection with the perfect grace nor skill that the experts advise, it has led to nothing but a sexless, affectionless, "princess-first" marriage filled with her entitlement and my resentment. I've suggested -- even insisted -- counseling, and she has refused to go. With me, by herself FOR herself, or by herself for me.
For her to finally confront her own sexuality, but do it outside of the vows of her marriage, was only the second-to-last step in a long series of missteps in her marriage. The LAST step being her stubborn, entitled refusal to end the affair, despite everyone she loves the most in her life -- her parents, her husband, her adult daughters -- knowing about it and disapproving of it.
In spite of all of that, I STILL forgave her (once she expressed remorse and turned away from the behavior), and I STILL (all along for 70+ days) stood here ready to work on our marriage at any point she was willing to give up her boyfriend and come back to her marriage. I have shown a light, a path, back toward her family the entire time, treating her respectfully, lovingly, and being the best dad, the best Choc., and even the best husband I could be.
At the end of the day, you cannot force someone to do what they refuse to do. My sister likes to say that "God will break you before God will fix you." Well, that's only true if you ALLOW yourself to be broken. My wife is as stubbornly entrenched in her self-destructive behavior this past week as she was 70 days ago, and she has refused more than a half a dozen entreatments to come back to me and our intact family.
No, I do not want a "war," but legal matters are adversarial -- that's just reality. It's why they put that little "v" in the middle of them. I will continue to treat their mother lovingly and with respect and civility, but I have no intention of allowing my boys to live in a Godless home surrounded by indiscretions and poor decisions, and to be taught character at this CRITICAL time in their adolescent lives by someone who is exhibiting none herself.
You do not know what I have done, what I have tried, and what I have prayed about, nor what I have been led to do. I suggest you offer your questionable advice to someone who is genuinely asking for it, because offering it here is counterproductive.
