Interestingly that you should mention this fearless because that is exactly what H and I have said to the MC on several occasions, thinking it was a "good thing" when in fact, it is a bad thing because MC said (and I am quoting here) that if one is up and one is down, you never have a chance to really connect and understand the other person because you are always in two different places in your R.

I guess I just wonder about the context of what you said to your counselor. I don't see my parents as having a perfect marriage but at the same time they are still happily together after losing a farm and some serious health problems on my mom's part. In my parents case the "up and down" feelings were based specifically on the fact that they were losing the farm and not on how they felt in their relationship. They had already been married over 10 years and my mom's point was that what kept them getting up at 4:30 and milking the cows every day and working 12+ hour days was that at no time were both of the point of just giving up because one of them was always "up." However they were very connected. They did look to the other for support when they were down. I mentioned this before on the boards but growing up Dad always brought wild flowers to mom and still does. They also made time to go on walks together in the late summer evenings - I remember because we would start to run after them and they would tell us it was THEIR time.

So for me it is about context. It's about not getting sad just because your spouse is sad. it doesn't mean you don't feel sad FOR them necessarily.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus