H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

my problem is I don't want to really move on. I don't. and yesterday, I saw the indifference in H. I saw the door shut to us. I saw it...I could feel the distance grow even as he was here.

talked to my friend (a therapist) last night for a long time. she's been so great all along, and has pretty much nailed all of his actions/reactions. she pretty much agreed with me, that he is gone now. something happened to make him re-commit to OW.

I just feel like this is hopeless now. Yes, baby steps are important. and everything you both said is comforting. but at the same time, I'm so tunnel visioned, all I want his him again. yes, I can see the silver linings, can appreciate that I do have something to offer someone else, that there is some peace in not having him here at times. but in all honestly, I just want him. I want my husband back. I want my best friend back. and nothing I am doing or can do will make that happen. I've done everything he wanted, everything he said was wrong with our marriage, at least on my end, and it did nothing to change anything. nothing. I'm db'g, I'm trying to at least fake it till I make it, and I do know that I am upbeat for real around him a lot of the time. still, nothing. if he feels anything from any of this, he sure as hell doesn't show it. do my 180s confuse him? do they make it him think twice? do they do anything at all? I hope so, but seriously, the man I saw here yesterday didn't give a rats ass. not about anything but himself. nothing.

am I a doormat? maybe I am. he knows I know he's still in contact with her, and I don't talk about it, DB and all that. He has to know I suspect they are going away this weekend, but I don't bring it up...db and all that. so how do I db and still not be a doormat?

and how do I act when he comes over today? just same old, same old? upbeat and busy? interested in how his interview went? do I offer advice if he does want the job? (could remind him of stuff he might not be thinking of, a signing bonus would be nice right about now). do I just act like an acquaintence?