Mike, that is exactly what I'm thinking...there is more damage to be done if I request changes to the paperwork than if I don't. H might flip his lid if I start nitpicking at the papers and God knows that I don't want to deal with that anymore. It says "all ground" and there is no mention of any other property under his section, so I think that it is find to let go.
I'm really not sure about the waiver...my understanding is that I don't have to sign the waiver but then they have to serve me when the papers have been filed and I would have to go to court. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm thinking that I don't want to sign the waiver, but once again, I don't want to rock the boat with H.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Thanks Scott. There's no doubt that my H is definately an a$$. I don't even have to run him down...he successfully ruined his reputation without one word from me.
Sounds like you are doing a little better with your sitch. I think the time has come that we both have seen how selfish our spouses really are and that they are not going to change. We both deserve better...we are both young...we will find someone that deserves us and our lives will get better...our spouse's are another story.
When I went out Saturday, I made sure that I looked good...actually there was a chance that I would run into H and I wanted to look smokin' hot if that happened. That didn't happen but couple people commented how great I looked. Someone was talking about me moving on...my response was I'm not ready for that yet...but in the meantime, I am going for the "what the h$ll is wrong with your H" look and I think I wear it pretty well. As someone said...the best revenge is life well-lived...I'm working on it.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
If you don't want to be in court, sign the waiver, if you want to be there, then don't. Make this decision based on what you want, not what reaction H may have. Is your H's lawyer in town? You can call and ask him--they may have just provided the waiver in case you didn't want to have to appear in court.
Good work on the GAL. I'm sure you looked fabulous!
Hope, I see that I have missed a lot while I've been out of town. Our live are so similar. Wonder if our H's are brothers. I too do okay until I see him. My in-laws too have seemed to accept her and her kids with open arms while pushing mine out.
This has to be the most difficult thing that I have ever dealt with including the death of my mother. Don't get me wrong I was devastated by her death, but I know she did not choose to leave me. They say divorce is harder than death. Until you experience you don't fully understand.
Hope, I think you doing fine. Live, Love, Be Happy. I see that quote on plaques in a lot of homes, I think that we all could stand to see that as a reminder in our own homes. I saw a plaque this weekend with that on it, I wish I had bought it. I think I will keep an eye out for another one.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyo, Only a few of my ils have accepted OW...most of them hate her. They see her as the person that destroyed our marriage. I agree...H screwed up and had an affair but she has convinced H to take things too far...making our marriage unsalvageable.
I actually have the words live, laugh, and love hanging on the wall in my house. My mil gave them to me shortly after this all started. I'm trying to live by them.
Mike, I have a phone consult with another attorney today...trying to cover all my bases without H knowing. I'm going to run the "all ground" issue and signing of the Entry of Appearance, Waiver, & Consent Form past him. I plan on sending the signed Judgment of Dissolution and Irreconcilable Differences Waiver to his attorney along with a letter that says... Re: The Marriage of XXXX and XXXX XXXX
Dear Mr. XXXX,
Please find the enclosed signed documents: 1. Waiver and Stipulation of Two Year Period 2. Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage
The Entry of Appearance, Waiver, & Consent Form does not contain specific language stating that our assets would be divided according to Item #2--Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage. Please add language to the Entry of Appearance, Waiver, & Consent Form stating that our assets will be divided according to the Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage that I reviewed and signed. If you are unable to mail me an updated form, please let me know and I will arrange to pick up and sign for any papers that you need to give to me, so I do not have to be served. Thank you.
My contact information is: XXXX
Sincerely, XXXX _______ Any thoughts?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
My guess is that none of this has been filed, because if it had, you would have gotten a copy of the complaint, either "served" to you or by picking it up and signing for it. And then you would have had so many days to "respond." Did you get that copy of the Complaint from his L?
My point is that when a complaint is filed, a case number is assigned. All briefs, responses, correspondence, etc from that point on should include the case number. If you have a case number, include it in your letter.
I think that their plan is to file the complaint, the 2-year waiver, and the proposed settlement all at the same time. It makes a nice, neat package that way, so I don't have a problem with that.
Thanks Mike...You are correct, nothing has been filed so there is no case number. I think that you are right, they want a nice little package that they can file all at once. I talked to the another attorney. He wasn't overly concerned about the "all ground" wording. Again, he said it's not ideal, but he would let it ride also...He didn't think there was any concern that H try to get out of giving me the other piece. He highly recommended getting the mortgage refi'd as soon as possible, so I could have H quit claim his interest over to me. He told me to stop thinking of the ground as two sets of property...think of it as the marital property...so no more mentioning that there are separate deeds. He recommended that I find my own attorney to draw up the quit claim paperwork and not go through the bank.
I also mentioned the Entry of Appearance, Waiver, and Consent Form. He agreed that I should not sign it because it made no mention of the Judgment. He was fine with idea of me enclosing the letter above.
I did not receive a copy of my H's divorce petition from his attorney in the mail yesterday...I should get it today. If I get it today, I plan on mailing the signed Judgment, 2-year waiver, and letter to H's attorney tomorrow. Then, if I see H this weekend, I can tell him that I sent the paperwork in.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Technically, he can quit-claim the deed to you without you doing a refi. He just has no incentive to do so. Normally the quit-claim is your incentive to get the refi in a reasonable amount of time.
I quit-claimed the house to my X and did not require a refi. My name is still on the mortgage. There is a "hold harmless" clause in the Decree which says she will reimburse me (out of her alimony) if the bank comes after me for the mortgage. But it still does a number on my debt ratio. Obviously this scenario wouldn't be appealing to your H--what you've already got is more the norm.
You are right, he has no incentive to quit-claim the deed until the refi. He is going to need his name off of the mortgage, so he buy his own place unless he is going to continue to buy houses through OW's names. The judgement states that I have to agressively try to refi the mortgage in the next two years. At the time of the refi, he will quit claim the deed to me. If I can't refi, the property will be put up for sale. We had a 5.75% 30 year fixed, so it stinks that I am going to have to refi, but I probably won't stay in this house for 30 years now, so it might not have much impact. The faster I get him off of the deed the better.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
H text me this afternoon... H: Did you get the papers done? M: Yes, you still planning on picking up some things this weekend? H: No not sure when. M: Ok, thanks for letting me know. H: Sure, no problem.
This is what our relationship has come to at this point. At least it's civil. If I am polite to him, it seems that he is sort of polite back. That's all I can hope for now. I need him to stay sane until we get the D finalized.
Still didn't get the divorce petition from H's attorney. I really don't think that I need it. I think that I am going to sign the Judgment and 2-year waiver and send the letter to his attorney stating that I didn't sign the Entry of Appearance, Waiver, and Consent tomorrow or Saturday. This for the best. I have to sign these papers. It's been 9 months...it's time to move on. I explained to mil today that I have to do this for myself. She totally understands, just wishes that it didn't come to this. I really wish it didn't either. Now I just have to get the courage up to sign the papers...maybe tomorrow.
