Well another weekend with my girls. Saturday we went to a family party, and Sunday I kept my girls around the house. I love the time that I have with them and making the most of seeing them everyday while I can.
I got my parenting plan done (Thanks for the suggestions Mike.) I emailed it to my W this morning. I also did the math on the worse case scenario and I should be able to afford my house along with all the additional expenses (CS and CC). I might have to eat PB&J for a while, but I think keeping the house for my girls is the right choice for them right now. I do go back and forth thinking it might be easier to down size and have a little more discretionary income. We will see, just taking it one day at a time.
I did take sometime out for myself on Friday night. I went fishing with a friend, only caught pan fish, but had a great time. It was nice being with someone that wasn't trying to say everything will be alright, etc, etc.... He just said "I have no idea how you are feeling. All I know is that what XXXX is doing to you SUCKS."
My W still seems to get mad or blame me for just about anything. The puppy is still having issues figuring out where she should go to the bathroom and of course it is always my fault. This dog was not my idea it was hers. I should make my W pay for new carpeting since she cannot control her dog.
I hope everyone is doing well. I am having an OK to down kind of day.
H: Do you mean the kind of a man that has an affair with a married woman and abandons his wife and children? You're right that I'm not that kind of man. Lucky for you, you've found one.
Gotta love MinM. I gotta remind myself to make a plea to him to come onto my thread if and when my W files against me.
Scott....sounds like you are holding up well. Trust me...you are not alone with the anger issues that they just can't let go of. It still is a hard concept for me to grasp. I've had surgeons steal cases from me.....argue over it...and a week later we are helping each other. It is a hard concept to grasp a type of anger that occurs with a loved one that you just can't let go of. A friend of mine, offboard, emailed me about how our W's begin to equate happiness with people and things...not from within themselves.
Enough. Keep on the path. Find ways to keep busy. Kids, kids, kids, kids.
Strength and honor. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
A friend of mine, offboard, emailed me about how our W's begin to equate happiness with people and things...not from within themselves.
I agree with this statement. It is amazing when you sit back and can see this so clearly. I know our W's need to figure this out on their own, but it is hard to not want to walk next to them and help them struggle through all of this. I have to admit it has gotten a lot easier since she filed.
My W received my parenting plan and my thoughts about asset division yesterday. She had some concerns about the parenting plan that we will need to work through. I think her biggest concern is....dare I say this.... herself... She was worried about some of the times that I had put down because she did not want to be frustrated and mad at me because our kids might be crabby when she would get them from me. She was also not thrilled that she would have to find some childcare for our girls when they would be transitioning to my custody once a week. She also does not like the idea of splitting her stash of money with me. Isn't D beautiful???(I'm just kidding, this sucks)
I had a few phone calls yesterday from friends. One of which was from my W's friends H that I mentioned earlier. He really needed to talk, so I gave him an ear to bend. One of the things that I learned yesterday is that he and his W are now separated. I knew they where having problems again but this was news to me. I could be wrong but I think the separation helps his sanity. It sounded to me that his M is where mine was at a few months ago. We talked for well over a hour, which I ended up cutting him short. It is crazy but if my W found out that we are talking she would probably flip. Again the joys of all this.
I have my girls tonight, but do not have any plans. I think keeping them at the house is good for them. It will be grilling and just hanging out tonight at the house.
I have been trying to get my 5D signed up for soccer in the fall. I missed the sign up days and feel that I will not be able to get her in. I am actually really disappointed by this, she has been talking for a while about wanting to play soccer. I think I am going to go with plan B, which is horse riding lessons. I think this is a great backup plan, but I need to get this going for her.
Sounds like you are doing a little better. I think that we may both have been guilty of trying to hold on to our marriages because that's what we were supposed to do...that's the right thing. I'm starting to realize that my life could be better without my H. I hope you are realizing the same, but I think you can still hold your head high. You were willing to give your W a second chance...she just wasn't willing to take it and no matter how you look at it...it takes two people to be married. Keep staying strong for your girls...things are going to get better.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
You do sound like you're handling things well. I agree that hanging out at home with the little ones is a good thing. I'd say maybe spending 1/3 of the time "out" is a good maximum.
FIB,
I'll be glad give you advice about separation and divorce. I have been staying away from the MLC forum because I really don't have any experience in that area.
Journaling a little-bit: Our house was assessed the other day and it came back way lower then I expected. This is good for me, because it means that I can afford to stay in my house and my girls will keep their home albeit part time. I am also a little disappointed that it came back as low as it did, but I am trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise.
My W is still doing things around the house: laundry, dinner, mowed the lawn yesterday, cleaning bathrooms, etc.... I am not to sure why she would do anything for me at this point, but she probably feels like she is just helping our girls out.
I need to setup sometime with my L since this D is speeding towards conclusion. I was holding out some hope that dragging this along would allow my W to see what she is losing, but that does not seem to be happening. So far she has been pretty fair in dealing with the D, she hasn't so far asked for more then what seems right. I do think she also was disappointed learning that she won't be getting as much money from me buying her out.
My W did some furniture shopping last night for the unknown house, why she told me this is beyond me. Does she have to prove to me that she is moving on? She filed I get that point.
I remembered something that my W told me early on in all this mess that pissed me off a little bit. Her father, who had a 2yr EA, told her that he was happy that he paved the way for her. He also told my W that he had to come to grips with the fact that my MIL could never truly love him the way that he needed. I know both of these statements made my W think early on and probably helped fuel the A more. It is amazing watching this all unfold and seeing how easily we all, especially my W, get influenced by those around us. It is also interesting to see how we surround ourselves with people that support us doing what is right or what is wrong. People seem to attract others that just validate our current state of mind and run from the people that want to challenge us to do what is right.
I still do not believe that my W is an evil person. I do not think she set out purposely to destroy our family. I do think she got sucked into something bad and evil. Now she is trying to take some control, unfortunately for me it is the easy way out.
Talking with my friend the other day I was amazed that I am still biased towards M. I still feel it is a life long commitment and that it is hard but worth the struggle. Even being STBD(soon to be divorced) I believe this and will stand by that belief with whomever I end up with.
My girls are still the awesome kids they have always been. My D5 told me the other day that it was OK that I could not get her signed up for soccer. She actually seemed excited about the other possibilities.
For me I am still saddened by all of this, though I feel like I have accepted it for what it is and am OK with it. I still do not know what life is going to look like for me in the future, but I am going to jump in head first and see how it plays itself out.
It is also interesting to see how we surround ourselves with people that support us doing what is right or what is wrong. People seem to attract others that just validate our current state of mind and run from the people that want to challenge us to do what is right.
Run is right. That's exactly what H did...and is still doing. I guess it's human nature to want to be surrounded by people that support us, but the wise ones will take into consideration other people's thoughts even when they aren't your own. Our WAS have not done this. I think it is extreme to take it the level that my H has. He has traded in me and anyone in his own family who won't accept OW with open arms with OW's family and new friends. Conveniently, I think a lot of his new friends are divorced and OW's parents are divorced also. He is on the path to his second divorce and he hasn't even finalized the first one.
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I do think she got sucked into something bad and evil. Now she is trying to take some control, unfortunately for me it is the easy way out.
Couldn't have said it better myself...seems to be an all too familiar comment from us LBS.
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For me I am still saddened by all of this, though I feel like I have accepted it for what it is and am OK with it. I still do not know what life is going to look like for me in the future, but I am going to jump in head first and see how it plays itself out.
It seems we that we are on the same page....exactly how I feel too. I wish I could look ahead 5 years from now...then maybe I would see why this all happened. Things are starting to turn around a bit for me. I feel like God is really helping me out...things keep going good for me...while H's life just keeps getting worse and worse. Keep praying and things will turn around for you too.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Conveniently, I think a lot of his new friends are divorced and OW's parents are divorced also.
The way it appears to me this is exactly what my W has done. She is talking to D'ed, seperated, people having or had A's, and the people that do not fit this bill is her family.
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Quote: I do think she got sucked into something bad and evil. Now she is trying to take some control, unfortunately for me it is the easy way out. Couldn't have said it better myself...seems to be an all too familiar comment from us LBS.
I think the reason that you see this message and ones similar is the people that make it to this board believe in M and really want to believe in their S's. We try to think the best of everyone. If it wasn't for our sitch's we would probably be a collection of glass half full kind of people. We start off fighting like hell to save our M(thankfully some do), but once we start grieving our M we realizes that a piece of us went missing through the years while M. Most of us, I'm guilty of this, would have given anything to our S's if it where humanly possible. We gave so damn much over the years that we dropped pieces of ourself off so that we can become someone we are not. Hell before I got married I was living out my childhood dream, I gave it up for my W. I used to take time out for myself, fishing, workingout, having a beer with friends, that all went out the window during my M. I did not realize it but I feared screwing up by making her unhappy somehow. By doing so I screwed myself in a sense.
I can be wrong but I think there is an awful lot of people on this board that have similar stories, fortunately for us we have this board. If we all are truely honest(I believe we are) unsolicited feedback and persepective give us all a great chance to see our flaws and short comings. It also shows us that we are not bad people and we do not deserve this kind of treatment. Wow, I am rambling now....sorry about that.......
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Things are starting to turn around a bit for me. I feel like God is really helping me out...things keep going good for me...while H's life just keeps getting worse and worse.
I am glad to hear that things are going well for you. You deserve good fortune. You are an awesome women and some future guy will be lucky to be with you. Heck if you have horses on your land my D5 would think your pretty awesome chick too and she has never communicated with you.
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Keep praying and things will turn around for you too.
I am whenever I get the chance. I have to admit my emotional/spiritual energy level is running low rightnow. Prayer has become hard for some reason. When this all began this definitly was not the case, my W has worn me down a bit. I have noticed lately that I am not as worn out, which is a good thing.
I agree...I lost a piece of myself over the years as well. I was so busy doing what I thought H wanted me to do so he would be happy and working hard so we could have a good life. H grew up in a big family and never really had much growing up. Since we've been together, we've never really went without. He wanted something...he could buy it.
H was one of the hardest working men I know. We worked hard for the last seven years of our lives, and now none of it really matters. We built our place from the ground up...the barns, the house, the fences...everything and most of it side by side through blood, sweat, and tears and he is throwing it all away and I still don't know why...I think that it is own foolish pride. I don't even think it's about OW but himself...he can't face himself so he turned into someone else...someone I don't know. It's very sad.
Out of guilt and the little bit of heart that he has left, so far he is being generous in the divorce. Hopefully, I will get to keep the house. God knows I probably won't end up staying here...this was supposed to be H's and my home forever. I look around and there are memories everywhere.
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Heck if you have horses on your land my D5 would think your pretty awesome chick too and she has never communicated with you.
I do have horses...too bad men don't think they are as cool as young girls...I would be in good shape. My H grew up around horses...I didn't, but I've grown to love them over the years, so now I am essentially living my H's life without him...its not mine. I don't know where I would be if I didn't marry H, but I doubt it would be on a horse farm. We'll see how things turn out...only God knows.
Take care. You are a great guy and you will make some woman very happy...things are going to get better.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
