I don't know if anyone could claim to really understand Schnarch. His analogy for fusion is when you let the rocking of your partner's boat rock your boat emotionally. So, I would say that it is to some extent unavoidable. Severe fusion would be somebody saying that they will die without you or stalking you. The ability to maintain a strong sense of self in a relationship might be regarded as the hallmark of differentiation. OTOH, selflessness can lead to a sense of entitlement as in "I'm such a wonderful wife, I do x,y and z. He should want to have sex with me more often" Differentiation might replace this thought with something like " I am a wonderful person who loves sex. I should have sex more often." and one's actions would follow logically from this thought while maintaining one's personal code of "fair play" So in my situation, as I became more differentiated ( or something - lol), I made it clear that I would divorce or openly take a lover in order to have more sex.

Anyway, I've decided that if I get into a LTR again it will probably with Schnarch's brother, if he has one and if he is a bit taller than Schnarch appears to be in his photo.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver