I should be happy...but I'm not

[forward]

I would congratulate you for making an effort to deal with the problem rather than just taking off. I echo what others say--maybe individual counseling?

I had a baby at 38 and I will be honest: it was extremely stressful on our marriage. You can see from my signature where I am now. It is common for pregnancy to be a huge stressing point. I think we might have made it through except that H added a little complication of a live-in affair. I can't begin to tell you how devastating it is to be left with a 14-month old child who stands at the window calling Da-dee! Da-dee!

I will add: I am slim--thanks partially to the MLC diet--and H I think was just terrified of having to grow up and not be the center of attention any more, and maybe have to do some things he didn't really want to do. But that's my situation.

My daughter is 18 months and it took me a full YEAR to recover from the pregnancy at my age. I don't mean weight-wise--I just mean feeling well. I COULD feel back to normal now but H is busy carrying on an affair.

I beg you to be as kind and patient and compassionate as you can during the pregnancy. I mean, do your best and then DOUBLE that effort.

And please, while I urge you to work things out with counselor, I can only tell you how much it would have meant to me if H had had some patience and maybe put HIS feelings on the back burner for a while, understanding how incredibly stressful pregnancy is on the body.

If you're emotionally prepared (and again, congrats for trying), and give yourself and her some time, you can make it through. The tough time will pass. I just think my H is too immature to see it that way.

My H said I wasn't taking care of myself any more. I was exhausted--and he refused to take care of baby long enough for me to do something like buy pretty clothes or exercise! And I also realized he was right. it didn't really bother me that much that he said I wasn't taking care of myself--it was that he was unwilling to HELP me.

Now the affair--THAT bothered me!! (OK, believe it or not I actually have a bit of a sense of humor about thigns.)

So if you want her to change her hairstyle, clothes, etc., you could frame it nicely in a "Gee hon, why don't you, here the money is" way and she may be delighted instead of hurt.