Okay Cemar. Let's start off with the biggest most helpful piece of information I got from your post. Because of your son, you are committed to another 6-7 years at home with your wife, right? You want you and your wife to be passionate lovers? So what if you took the next 6 months and focused your energy toward yourself and expected and wanted NOTHING from your wife? After that self imposed "sabbatical" from any expectations on your wife, then you could figure out what the next step is. What would it hurt to try a self imposed sabbatical? I know you do not think you are a hurdle to being passionate lovers but you did say I will do whatever I have to. so why not try this?
Now let me comment on your comments:
I compliment her on occasion. That's a little hard since she never speaks my love languages.
What does your love language have to do with complimenting her? What you seem to MEAN is that you are so resentful about not getting what you want from her that you cannot appreciate anything else she does. True? So if she is not speaking your love language, then you will not speak her love language. Is that the case?
No, not really. She probably thinks she is doing LOTS of things for me, but the truth is, none of it is my love language, it is hers. She is forever stuck in MOM mode.
Again so she may do many loving things for you but you resent the fact that she does not do your LL. You will refuse her LL gestures to you because they are not your LL. Hmmm Is it possible that she is not speaking your LL because you will not speak her LL? Has she even read the LL book?
The LD spouse is ALWAYS the determining factor.
This is NOT true!!
What if someone is LD because their HD spouse is abusive to them? Who is the determining factor? What if someone is LD because their HD spouse stops bathing and brushing their teeth? Is it the LD's fault they lost their desire? What if someone is LD because their HD spouse stopped saying please and thank you and just takes them for granted? What if they are LD because qualities they loved and were attracted to in their spouse disappeared? What if the HD person constantly criticizes and complains about the LD spouse? Is the LD spouse really the determining factor in these examples???
I am NOT saying that it is all the HD's fault either. I am saying that the relationship is in trouble and could be improved by EITHER party which in turn will help the sex and other characteristics of a good marriage.
If you really believe that you don't need to change a thing and it is ALL your wife's fault, what are you doing here? There must be some small part of you that HOPES you can actually do something. Otherwise it must feel very hopeless to have to sit and wait for someone else to do the work to make you happy.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
