Your answered surprised me Mojo. I guess I did not expect it from you. The idea of being single was the thing I feared LEAST during my breakup. I guess I have always known that I enjoy a certain amount of autonomy but I have been smart enough to make sure my relationships always allow for that aspect of my personality.
I didn't fear being single as much as I just didn't comprehend how much autonomy I had given up in my relationship. In retrospect, I see that this was a huge mistake on my part but I believe that the marriage would have just dissolved sooner if I had come to this realization earlier. Few can know the great joy of not waking up in the morning to find a post-it note that says "Clean Me" on the coffee pot or being able to wear any color t-shirt without having to hear somebody's critique on whether it suits you. Really the biggest guilty pleasure of being single is not even thinking about pleasing anyone but yourself (except, of course, when your current lover says something like "That's okay, baby, but I'd rather just f*ck", especially if he does a Samuel L. Jackson impression when he says it. Yum, Yum, Yum!)
Interesting point about separation being something different from divorce. However, I wonder if a separation would send a strong message if it was understood by both parties to be just an intermediary step? My 2bx was perfectly civil and seemingly "okay" with our separation until he discovered that I was dating. It was only at that point that he expressed a willingness to make more of an effort. It was crystal clear to me that it was the ego injury that made the difference and that disgusted me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
