NikkiB #18

[NikB]

Thanks all for posting.

Oldtimer
I'll reply to yours separately as it may get kinda long.

CM
Thanks for the hi and the quote! I like it.

Dave
Oh totally agree, he doesn't see a future with her I don't think. What's really weird is I don't think she'd even date him (probably making it worse...the "want what you can't have" syndrome). She just likes to make sure she has the full attention of any males around her, and their wives/girlfriends tend to get in the way of that. I've seen her work... it's really kind of amazing. Guys who are totally secure in their relationships RUN from her, it's almost an instinctive reaction. Guys who are even slightly vulnerable in their R are drawn to her, and she's drawn to the drama of "helping" them break off their R/M, so there you go... the rollercoaster begins.

She's been in at least one and usually more than one R during the time they've had this EA going on (I believe about 95% that it never got to PA but I don't know for sure). At the beginning she had an H and a boyfriend. Then I think her D went through, but she still had her (also married) boyfriend, and started dating another guy - who she currently calls her boyfriend. I don't think she broke it off with the first one yet but I'm not sure. H has even TOLD me post-bomb he knows an R with her would be a mistake, how destructive she is, etc. etc. etc. I hope you're right that he decides to kick the "friend" habit with her though (and hopefully, before I am so fed up it's too late).

jak
Naah don't worry about the poodle hair comment. Heck I made it first, you just responded to it. And yeah you're right her hair, her choice, but that doesn't mean it's attractive. If she were my friend I'd tell her the same thing (nicer way of course, but it really is ick).

Sounds like you're in a good mind set in your sitch. I know the whole "no snooping" thing but sometimes I wonder if it's possible to fully get your trust back without a little snooping. Once you've been lied to for so long, you kind of have this need to see for yourself, not just take the person's word for it who's been lying. If that makes any sense. I know this is probably something I need to actually get past, but it'll take some work for sure.

I've said something along the lines of what you mentioned about the right thing to do is pursuing happiness.. he agrees but then says he doesn't know what will make him happy. I suppose deep down it's all the perks of marriage plus all the perks of no commitments... but you don't get both.