Don't know whether developing the inappropriate friendship caused him to decide he was unhappy or if being unhappy caused him to decide to develop the inappropriate friendship. Either way, she is his BFF and his unwillingness to back off from her in any significant way was one of the catalysts in our separation.
He says he doesn't see much of her anymore but he gets LOTS of texts from her whenever he's here with the kids. She is married with two kids of her own. He says it has never been more than friends but I don't trust her as far as I could throw HIM (she's tiny, I could throw her a pretty good distance ;-).
Thanks to this program though, I have been able to see that she is part of the MLC. She is ten years younger and makes him feel charming and smart and attractive. I have to leave it alone. Let him grow out of it. I don't ask about her. If she is brought up in conversation, I act as if she is any other person and don't let it show that I want to throw up.
All I can do is wait it out and not do anything to push him to her for validation against me. I am not the enemy anymore because I am not in any way suggesting how he run his life. I just have to wait it out!
...still hanging in there!
M - 40 H - 45 (Big Time MLC - Currently House Hopping) S - 11 (w/ Asperger's Syndrome Autism) D - 5 (w/ Type 1 Diabetes) 1 Dog and 2 Cats Married 10/92, Bomb 10/06, H moved out Mother's Day 07 (Sweet huh?)
My Light Your Fire CDs coach in how to handle that emotional attachment sitch so I tried it. It actually worked for a while. I told my H that I understood why he had to hang out a lot with "Mr. Jerk". He was trying to be a loyal friend to someone in need. I added that it would make me feel better if he did not spend so much time with him because I feared he was a toxic misogynist but that I had faith in his choices for what was best for our family and "Mr. Ass's". It really did put the ball in his court. God, I hate those innappropriate relationships. Even if there is absolutely no attraction it drains from the primary relationships or marriages. When are people going to realize that?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I don't think I will go so far as to tell my H that I understand his attachment to his EA. The BEST I can do at this point is not ask, not comment and act like I could care less when her name is mentioned.
He has made it clear that this woman is his best friend (he's known her for less than a year) and understands him in a way that no one else ever has. They can sit around and wallow in their mutual self-pity all they want. I don't care anymore. I'm pretty confident that, without my asking questions to fan the flame, that fire will burn itself out eventually.
...still hanging in there!
M - 40 H - 45 (Big Time MLC - Currently House Hopping) S - 11 (w/ Asperger's Syndrome Autism) D - 5 (w/ Type 1 Diabetes) 1 Dog and 2 Cats Married 10/92, Bomb 10/06, H moved out Mother's Day 07 (Sweet huh?)
My Dad did that to his wife. His wife said nothing and eventually his female best friend relocated and my Dad found that his wife and my D6 were actually his best friends. Weird. Some men just need a lot of admiration or attention from females. Maybe the MLC is that point between having kids and waiting for grandkids. Then my H will need to wait another 20 years since we had kids so late!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I also forgot to tell you guys that when I found out about the OM. I took all of the clothes, shoes, wedding dress and wedding pictures she had left here at the house and took them and put them on the OM's door step!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
That actually made me laugh. It sounds like a scene from a movie starring Steve Martin. I just threw away five ofmy H's tshirts. It feels so good to get rid of his stuff he left behind. He took all the good stuff and left all the crappy stuff.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
