1. Marital History, the good life we did have at one time and wanting some of it back.
2. Knowing that I contributed my share of the R problems.
3. Knowing if I left the M, some things would be repeated in the second R.
4. Knowing I have to change in order for BB to change, but knowing she might not change to the person she once was or to a person I want to be with.
5. Knowing I have to give up some expectations as to the outcome and learning to do my work for me and hopefully for the R and BB.
6. This is a difficult part. I work and expect a pay-off. I haven’t experienced a long-term or great pay-offs. Do I still want to do the work and for how long?
7. As I changed and tried to improve our R, I expected certain results, some that didn’t happen.
8. I know I have my own baggage and hang ups that might not be liked if I had a different partner. I have to work on some of those baggage items and determine which ones are changeable and which ones are just me.
9. I Avoid conflicts.
10. I wanted to avoid the financial pitfalls Hairdog spoke about
11. Avoiding the guilt and sadness feelings that will come to myself, BB and other family members.
12. D just seems wrong for the level and type of problems BB and I have. Our problems are not one of the big 3, abandonment, abuse, adultery, although emotional neglect is close to emotional abandonment.
13. I filled out a popular relationship compatibility tests and the results were 5% of my female peers would be very happy in a R with me, and another 40% would be happy with some adjustments. The results sounded like I would have to be very selective for both parties in the R to be content/happy.
What I have seen first hand, by listening to single/widowed/divorced women, while I was in college, and women I meet in social/church groups and listen to what they say, I hear about their Mr. Perfect list and compare myself to the spoken and unspoken list.
Some traits, no problem matching up. Other traits, well I don’t know! I have my list too and look at the disconnects. I know I have my own work to do.
I know there is greener grass if and where it is watered and fed, so why not start with the grass I have.
The test/quiz and list things, I have also seen the items go by the wayside in college. Women talking about the high caliber R they wanted , then picking an ordinary guy because of something, like he paid attention to her or there was chemistry. So much for lists.
14. Then there is the chemistry stuff. BB and I had it. I wonder if some cam be brought back? Do older folks have different chemistry expressions and receptiors than when they were younger. My concern is younger people operate on similarly signaling and reception type bonding/chemistry.
Older people might have less similar chemistry signaling and reception processes. As in older men and women want different/dissimilar things.
15. I read a LBS forum and see the problems the LBS’s have. I am not sure I want to see some of these problems put upon BB.
16. What if I find Mrs. Perfect and have a stroke 6 months later. Do I want her to bear those problems.
17. I have heard many stories that new love wears off after a couple of years. Better to fix what you have.
