I am amazed at the power of this network. Thanks tiredandlost and Rob for your support and validation. She does have doubts. I know her soooo well. I heard it in her voice this morning. Not what she said, but how she said it. Anybody reading this would know what I mean.
To answer your question, she is a good mother. She had the affair because she does not have an emotional connection to me. We have been drifting for a few years, with both of us contributing to the demise of the M.
I told her that everybody has a list in their head of people they know. If she were to sort her list by "RESPECT" I would be at the very bottom. She has ZERO respect for me.
I don't have enough friends that I can confide in. Not sure it would matter anyway, because I promised her I would not tell anybody about the OM. I intend to keep my word, at least for the indefinite future. I am convinced that we will fix this, and I don't want her reputation soiled.
Regardless, I am joining a men's group at church this week in order to extend my network. Gotta run, taking the kids out..
That was nice. My H has always been high energy, high sex drive type of person, Im not I already know this, but why he strayed to that, I think for attention. Hes very needy that way, where as Im not. We change so as we get older, I am not the same person I was when I was 19, I am totally different and they through two kids in the mix, its tough. I do think I still love him, but in a different way. I can't get passed the fact that he is not there emotionally for me and I don't think ever will be.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I told her that everybody has a list in their head of people they know. If she were to sort her list by "RESPECT" I would be at the very bottom. She has ZERO respect for me.
I heard this exact same thing from my wife, back in the early days of my sitch. To be honest, she was right about some things - I did need to make some changes to earn that respect back (not saying everything was all my fault, but that there were problems on both sides.) The thing she didn't see - COULDN'T see at the time - was that I could and WOULD change. And I made those changes for my own good, not just to try to impress her.
Originally Posted By: Ohio_Mark
I don't have enough friends that I can confide in. Not sure it would matter anyway, because I promised her I would not tell anybody about the OM. I intend to keep my word, at least for the indefinite future. I am convinced that we will fix this, and I don't want her reputation soiled.
Good idea. I never told anyone about her OM either. Now that we are back together, I am COMPLETELY glad I did that - imagine your friends knowing this, and then you get back together, and they want nothing to do with your wife... ugly, messy, and not conducive to rebuilding your marriage.
Originally Posted By: Ohio_Mark
Regardless, I am joining a men's group at church this week in order to extend my network. Gotta run, taking the kids out..
That's great, keep it up. Also use your GAL activities to extend your friends network - don't make it "all about your marital problems".
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
You've been getting some absolutely terrific advice here. I just wanted to add, your wife definitely seems unsure of what to do, and very vulnerable right now.
Thanks for telling me how to do the quote boxes! I'll be using them here in a bit.
Thanks again to all for the kind and supportive words.
I stumbled across this on another post: "The OW/OM is their drug of choice. This person helps them to numb their pain from the past versus deal with it. They run right in to the arms of someone who will understand them and not judge them. The OW/OM are a temporary bandaid to their search for happiness."
Yeah, I really like the "Bandaid Analogy". I would take it a little further:
The OP is a bandaid that temporarily covers up a deep hurt, but can not heal it. At the beginning, the bandaid is shiny and new. Before long, it gets brown and icky and peels around the edges, until it finally falls off - to reveal that the hurt is still there, unhealed. Healing must come from within.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I need advice. When I went to my husbands apt. he had a rubber ducky shower curtain in his bathroom. I am soooo worried that the hoe he is or was having the A with may be pregnant. She is 45 so Im hoping shes not. She is married too, but her husband doesnt care that she having A. He has excepted it. My H is not living with o/w she lives with her H. H comes over often to see my son they are very close . Anytime my son invites him over he comes. H also kisses me goodbye, since Ive been doing LRT and 180 degrees. I really just want to see her once to put my mind at ease that she isnt. If she is I would be devastated. Separated 2 mos.
Me-43 H-49 S-13 M-19 years A discovered-2 months ago A-11 mo.
I definately agree that the A is like a band aid. They dont realize that they have to find happiness within instead of always looking for it outside themselves. My H is in such debt because of his spending. He never has enough material things, it is an addiction. The more his income increases the more debt he gets in. They have an emptiness inside that they are trying to fill. This was one of the main things we disagreed on. I was the disciplined one, he wasnt. Now he has a new addiction o/w. He thinks she is going to make him happy.
I hope you don't think OW is pregnant just because of a shower curtain.
He needed a shower curtain when he moved in. The one I bought when I moved out was a beach scene with sailboats and seagulls. It was cheap. End of story.
OK, one more thing. I knew it was something my W would never have chosen for our house. Maybe the rubber ducks make him smile in the morning.
