well, i guess its time to start acting like he claims he wants, then. no more letting him do whatever he feels like, i guess. no more "spanks", and definately nothing "more".
That's the traditional wisdom, anyways.
stay strong, take care of yourself
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Sorry to hear your H has signed a lease. If it's any consolation, I'm finding it easier to not see my W at all than have some minimal contact. It has lifted a lot of the stress and control from me that I was unaware I was under. Perhaps the same will be true for you - there will be some upsides too.
Hang in there.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
Sorry to hear your H has signed a lease. If it's any consolation, I'm finding it easier to not see my W at all than have some minimal contact. It has lifted a lot of the stress and control from me that I was unaware I was under. Perhaps the same will be true for you - there will be some upsides too.
Hang in there.
Max
I am assuming that it will be easier to NOT have to witness his comings and goings. I am finding it hard to really focus on 'me' with him still in the house.
I went and checked out some houses today that I would be able to afford, just to see what I should expect if the worst happens. I only looked at vacant homes because I didn't want to kick sellers out of their houses when I know I am not ready to buy. Anyway, what I saw today was disheartening.
I am switching real estate brokerages tomorrow to team up with my friends, so I am pretty excited about that; and when I spoke with the managing broker, I asked him what I would need to do to be a managing broker myself and he basically said that there will be lots of opportunity coming up in the company. So, while H is "away" I am going to get my broker's license and who knows wat will happen after that. (Benefit of being a managing broker is a base pay with benefits, unlike being an agent where it's easy to spend much $$$ on marketing, etc and not actually bring in a dime.) (in other words, security vs earnings potential). AND I found out that someone else wanted to offer me a job, but didn't want to confuse me anymore than I already am. I don't know that I would take it, but I was *very* flattered.
So, I guess I'm not a total piece of poop!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Well, he did come home tonight and ask what we were going to do tomorrow. We settled on going out to dinner-restaurant to be determined tomorrow. I wonder if I should suggest going to a comedy club afterwards...What do you guys think?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
i'm probably not going to comment for a while.. not because I dont care, but becuase my own situation just got ugly reguarding "child support" claims, and I'm too angry to comment clearly, i think.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Well, he did come home tonight and ask what we were going to do tomorrow. We settled on going out to dinner-restaurant to be determined tomorrow. I wonder if I should suggest going to a comedy club afterwards...What do you guys think?
Hummm, I'm afraid my view of comedy clubs is coloured by that of my W who really doesn't like them. Does your H? Dinner is always good in my book, assuming you find talking easy.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
You decide where YOU want to have dinner. Don't give him a bunch of options and ask him to pick. Tell him the ONE PLACE where you want to go and ask if that's OK. If not, ask him where he'd rather go.
Yes, mention the comedy club. If he doesn't want to go there, drop him off at home and go by yourself.
He just called to let me know he was just leaving work. By the time he gets home there won't be time to get a nice dinner and make it to the comedy club. He *did* suggest going to a movie instead. (The only thing going on tonight at any comedy clubs was a place that takes an old "b" movie, mutes the soundtrack and then talks over the top and does sound effects and dialog. Sort of like MST3K.) So, even though *we* won't be going tonight, I definitely plan to go in the future.
This morning HE was the one that said Happy Anniversary. He gave me a kiss goodbye, went out to the garage and then stuck his head back in the door and said "oh! Happy Anniversary" and I said "yeah-you too".
*sigh* I don't understand why he has to do this; and in particular why he doesn't hold out much hope for reconciliation.
Onward and upward!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Remember believe nothing that they say and only half of what they do.
My wife says things then does the opposite but sometimes does exactly what she says. So I believe about half of what she says as well and maybe 2/3 of what she does. This of course makes the roller coaster ride that much more fun. yea right But once you know and accept it then it becomes easier to deal with and lessens the ups and downs.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Journaling: Well, we went to a nice dinner (prime rib, peach magaritas, etc) and to a movie.
On the way out the door to hit the road, one of guys on my 'team' called. I had warned him a couple days ago that I was probably going to be a bit "sassy" because my sitch is bringing out my backbone. So, he was trying to tease me about something and I teased right back and he said "Oh yeah. What was that word you used? You know, how you're going to take your frustration out on me?" [he wasn't serious] and I said "Sassy--I'm gonna be sassy and you better watch out!" My H was walking around and heard me say that.
In the car, he asked who I had been talking to. I told him and explained that my patience level for taking "crap" is at an all time low so I had warned I'd be "sassy" and my H said "Good. You should be sassy." (Anyone seeing a pattern? LOL)
I then proceeded to do a bit of a rant about my mother; she is causing me a lot of grief in her "support". My daughter and grandparents were both shocked at our separation and she took it upon herself to enlighten my daughter as to why it shouldn't be shocking (grrrr!!!!). When my grandparents said "We're so surprised; they're so affectionate and kissy/huggy" my mother said that it wasn't real. That it was just me pursuing him, but that he didn't really care. {side note-when she told me that she was telling them this, I told her she was wrong and she just said I was in "denial" ARGH} So, I was telling my H this story and he got really po'd and said "Of course it was real! Who does she think she is?! She has some nerve. There is no doubt that I love you. I love you a great deal. I feel like I tried and I just have to do this. Wow! Well, you and I know that what we have is real and that our feelings are real. She sure is something! She just doesn't know what real love is. She has always been jealous of us and our relationship. It's situations like this that show why we need to ignore our parents." (Her relationship with my stepdad SUCKS bigtime. Hence the jealousy reference.)
Dinner was good. He did say at some point during the night that he sometimes does feel terrible and wonder if he is making the right decision; and again he said that he is very open to changing his mind. He doesn't know how he will really feel once he moves out.
Movie was good; as per usual we held hands. Held hands while driving in the car.
He had to work very late Wednesday night, and came home around 2am and we had sex. So, last night, by the time we got home and into bed, we were both pretty tired and then I said "wow. No [pet name for sex] on our "acknowledgment" night?" and he said "I'm just so tired...Besides, we did have [pet name] last night and it was after midnight so that WAS on our 'acknowledgment' day." Good thing we didn't goof around- he got called at 3am with a work issue, and then at 6am with the same issue. He's been on the phone already an hour trying to get it ironed out. He is not a happy camper.
Tomorrow (move out day) is gonna be a tough one. Not sure what to do with myself. Part of me doesn't want to be here, but the "shock" of coming home to a house without him would be terrible. On the other hand, *watching* him move his clothes out, etc, probably won't be on the top of my "fun things to do on a Saturday" list. But I think I want to be able to say "goodbye" and wish him well. I don't know. Sh!t. I am starting to cry just thinking about it.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
