Came home for lunch, found OM had posted a blog with his vacation schedule. By my reckoning, he could already be here in town.
Called the lawyer (again), still haven't heard back. Called W, talked for about 40 minutes. IT got heated, but no crying and very little yelling on either of our parts. I kept my head pretty well, but I just will not accept her exposing my son to any further confusion. She calims there are no plans to introduce S to OM, and never have been. There is a lie there, I assure you, but hopefully she is honest in her current belief that S does not need any further confusion in his life.
There are some signs that she is starting to get her head together, even if she is still utterly commited to the divorce. I do admit that I spoke pretty plainly to her, which certainly does not help my case, but I tried to avoid anything that amounted to begging, pleading, or pursuing.
As far as positive moves for me, I guess they are limited to the following: I admitted to getting a Lawyer before she did (not exactly, but I was the first one to seek counsel even if I didn't hire him yet), made it quite clear that she is free to pursue whatever relationship she desires with OM as long as it does not impact my son any more than absolutely necessary, took an opportunity to accept responsibility for all my failings and contributions to the state of our marriage pre-bomb, and even got an apology in for something intensely personal and private.
The last one was not something I would have felt I needed to apologize for if it weren't for my newfound empathy skills. I mean, she has never even directly identified it as a source of conflict, but I know it hurt her.
I never wanted to hurt her. Even now that he has chosen to hurt me as much as she possibly can, I still don't.
I figure there is just about no way to avoid the big D now, but I think I'm okay with that.
Ask me again in an hour, I'm sure you'll get a different answer.
