"Why have you choosen to stay so long with someone that is so emotionally unavailable for you" - and I wasn't allowed to say "because I love him"
Some answers have been~: Martelo 1. I didn't think I deserved better, 2. I had identified with the role of "victim" and had become comfortable in that role. 3. Deeper than that the style of someone being emotionally unavailable may have felt like my father and thus familiar. 4. Down another layer, a fear of being alone and ultimately death.
Heywyre 1. I am sure it has to do with my childhood and my parents own lack of emotionally being there for me. 2. I feel one should fight for their marriage a little more than most do nowadays but to what extent? Until it destroys you?
chocolateeyes 1. He said "if you do what God is asking you to do in any given situation, on any given day, and in any given decision, and push thru it, one at a time, then that's all you can do and you will have done the right thing." 2. The pre-marriage course the Catholic Church makes you go thru before you get married, working with our sponsorship couple, and we had to do this little workbook of exercises and stuff. One of the questions was "What is it about your fiancée that you love so much?" I'll never forget my answer: "Because she loves ME so much.” 3. Of course, I didn't know back then what "enmeshment" was, or what "co-dependency" looked like, but I can see now that I never really grew beyond just loving her to the extent she loved ME, and also loving not who she WAS, but who I WANTED HER TO BE (and thought, if I was just GOOD enough, and NICE enough, and HELPED her enough and PRAISED her enough, that she WOULD be). 4. Now, I go by "What is the RIGHT thing to do here?"
NewHorizons NH (formerly OTB) 1. "Do you want to be right, or be married” (forum term)
hairdog 1. the only common characteristic of this relationship and all the other failed relationships in your life is: YOU. Until you figure out how you are screwing them up, you'll continue to do so. Might as well do that while staying married to your current wife, as the distractions of divorce, property division, dating, etc., will likely keep you from getting yourself on the right track.
