Re: imLin....I don't think your H deserves you! Sorry, I'm being sarcastic. I admire the way you hung in there and I pray you two make it and will be extremely happy. I have said it more than once, but I have to say it again....how you have helped many of us here. The way you are so compassionate toward us WAS amazes me.
AmyC...thanks for your words of encouragement. How is your FIL?
I have been better this week. Wasn't as strong last night about the fantazing stuff...but I'm getting there. It is so hard to control the mind and the thoughts that want to pop up. I know we can't help some of the things that "pop up", but it is when we want them to linger in there that is the real problem. I had a very hard time going to sleep last night and my mind wanted to fantasize about OM. But my resolve has been much stronger this week. I have been giving my H a little "peck" of a kiss good-bye every morning and each night when I start to go to bed. We still don't share the same bed....haven't in over 20 years. He stopped staying in the same bedroom after he began to snore so badly and kept me awake. I never asked him to stop sleeping with me, but that was his decision. I missed the closenss and felt like that was the beginning of our intimacy breakdown. I have talked to him about it, but he just says that my bed is too hard, or I have use too many pillows because of my bad back....or some other reason...so I just gave up asking him. I tried to tell him that it was important to me, but.....
Anyway, he is being sweet toward me and is not pressuring me about anything. He is a kind person with a good heart. I saw him at his worst when he discovered the OM.
Lin, you mentioned that you thought your H was "insane"....that is kind of how we feel when we are in MLC.....if that is what I had. I think I really did, but hopefully mine was short term...I pray it was. I am kind of embarrased to say that at 60 I was having a MLC, but everything I read sounds like what I was feeling. Anyway, as I have said before, it is a feeling that is so hard to put into words. Your insides (emotions and physically) feels awful....almost like a disease. Your thoughts are so screwed up that you can't think like you use to.....no logic at all. You are so deceived about any OP that you may be emotionally involved with. You are depressed because you've lost time and youth and you get angry about it. It is all so crazy....that yes, we are insane! You truly do feel like you are in a thick fog and can't find your way out. The wildest thing is....I could actually feel when the fog begin to "lift". I am sure it would take a professional to explain that.
My heart goes out to you that are LBS. I am so blessed to have the man I have for a H. Just as your WAS is blessed to have you. God must surely have a special crown for you.
This board has been my therapy. I read it every night. I am trying to set very tiny baby steps for myself. Last night is the first night I have cooked supper in months! Isn't that something? My poor H would cook supper or eat a sandwich at night because I was so depressed and messed up that I didn't care if he ate anything or not. I knew he could cook as well as I could....so I wouldn't do it. I got so far behind in my ironing that his shirts were piled sky high. So, I have been ironing two shirts every morning before I left for work....and this morning I finally finished....lol. I confess all of this to you because I need to....not because you need to know. I need to give an account....call it journaling or whatever. So, baby steps work. He is patient, which is very good in my case.
I hope that I can help somebody just a little bit as much as you all have helped me. God bless.
Sandi2
Last edited by sandi2; 07/25/0704:48 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
