I agree that some of my wife's weight gain can be attributed to her being unhappy. She lived with her father right up until we were married...they were very close. Unfortunately he became seriously ill a few months before the wedding and he passed away right after our honeymoon. Less than a year later, my wife's sister died suddenly. Both of these deaths I think depressed her greatly.
I also know that people change physically as they age. As I said, I thought I could accept and handle the weight issues, but I never expected such rapid weight gain. Sure 5 or 10 pounds a year adds up after a few years....but 50 pounds in two years is extreme. What if she puts on 20-25 pounds annually? What if she gains 30-40 pounds during pregnancy? I just see an unhealthy cycle beginning and frankly it scares me. If I'm already unhappy with her physical appearance, what will happen if she gets even heavier?
As dumb as it sounds, I find myself wondering if she didn't work harder at controlling her weight when she was single. I find myself thinking that "she lost weight to find a husband". Once the husband was found, the weight wasn't as important and she went off track (I know depression was a big factor too). She doesn't work as hard at looking good in other areas either (hair, makeup, clothing) but that could certainly be tied into her not having a good feeling about her own weight. I just don't know....but I do know that it makes it hard to be physically attracted lately. Add in a few other nasty habits like constant burping and farting (that somehow were non existent during our courtship)and I'm just disgusted at lot of the time.
I don't discuss these things with my wife because I don't want her self esteem to suffer even more, nor do I want her to become more depressed. I have encouraged her when she brings up the subject of weight loss and I've dropped a few hints about the other issues such as mentioning that I think she should let her hair grow longer again and that I think some of the foods she fills up on are contributing to her gas problems.
The problem is...I'm holding all these thoughts inside of me and it just doesn't seem healthy to me. I have other issues that are contributing to my unhappiness in marriage, but a lot of them are minor things that wouldn't seem as bad if my wife's appearance were better.
I know I probably sound like a jerk, but I am afraid that the need for physical attraction is not one that I can ignore forever. As I said, I don't expect a glamour queen or a skinny girl....but in my mind I know what I consider attractive and what I don't. Unfortunately, my wife has been sliding into the category of those that I don't find attractive.
