1) Is there anything nice that you can say about your wife? Do you ever have anything nice to say directly to her?
Sure, she is a wonderful teacher, she is a nice person, she is very ambitious, she takes good care of the children, takes care of the house, takes care of the domestic stuff. I compliment her on occasion. That's a little hard since she never speaks my love languages.
2) Does your wife do anything loving or caring for you? Does she ever give you a compliment? No, not really. She probably thinks she is doing LOTS of things for me, but the truth is, none of it is my love language, it is hers. She is forever stuck in MOM mode.
3) If your religion would suddenly say "divorce for any reason is perfectly acceptable," would you be filing for divorce tomorrow morning without one look over your shoulder? No. I would wait until my youngest child leave home, and he is only 11. No reason for him to have to suffer just because MOM is fridgid.
Bottom-line are YOU willing to work to get the relationship you want or do you see it as solely your wife's responsibility to do the work? I will do whatever I have to. The problem is that I am not the determining factor. THe LD spouse is ALWAYS the determining factor. Sure, I can become more attractive, but that is NOT going to change any of HER problems. Look at my list, what can I directly change today?
FWIW - Martelo was trying to tell you that letting GO of some wants can actually be a positive step in the right OVERALL direction. To me you seem like the monkey who puts his hand in the coconut and won't let go of the trinket. Do you know that story?? The woman I married DID everything on that list. What exactly would I give up? Why should I accept LESS from marriage while the wife gets MORE from marriage.
