My ride on the Roller Coaster called WAW Hell

[Steel_Box]

Jounaling

Been away from the board and thought I would catch up with the coaster.
I went to Houston for the weekend with some buddies and had a great time. We went to Rev It Up, which is essentially a glorified promotion to test drive all of the Chevy vehicles. It was a lot of fun. I got to drive everything from a 4wd Silvereado to a Corvette. Also did some racing on a course for time. I'm not a big car entusiast so this was definitely something different for me. We met up with a friend of mine that lives in Houston that night and a good time was had by all.

W got home Sunday evening from her 2 week trip with the kids. Everyone was happy to see each other and I greeted everyone with a big hug, the kids first. When I went to hug W, since she was still standing there and I was happy to see her too, she wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. Right about the time that I was going to let go and help unpack the truck, she squeezed tighter and just held on for another minute. WOW I forgot how good that felt.

We spent some time unloading all of the stuff from the truck and talking about their trip and how everything went. She mentioned that she was tired and was going to lay down for a little while, did I mind? I said no problem and as she crawled in bed I kissed her forhead and started to leave and close the bedroom door. She asked me to put on a movie to entertain the kids and too make a long story short - that was the first time she has initiated sex in about 1 1/2 years. Double WOW.

A little while later (it's been a while )She started talking about R and asked me whether or not I thought we could get by on just my salary.(?) She explained that she was looking into options to possibly quit her traveling job and find something here that would allow her to be at home with the kids and work on the M. She would have to continue with current job through end of year but would like to have something else after that.(ok WOW doesn't cover it)

At this point I am floored, & trying to stay as outwardly calm as possible while saying that I'm really happy that she wants to do all of this. I explained that I don't know if we could get by on just my salary alone in our given situation, not the living seperate but that I had only just really started paying all of the bills at the house by myself and hadn't really got a good grasp of the numbers yet. I also mentioned that her wanting to change jobs was a great thing but that was a ways a way and we have a lot of work to do before that, it is going to be a hard road. To which she responded (with a small smile) "I know,...you haven't decided whether or not you're going to take me back." I told her that its more than that. The fact that I am still here, shows that I am willing to put in the effort and work on it, but it is going to be tough and its going to take time. She agreed and said that she knows we have some big trust issues. (you THINK?)
She stayed for quite a while, we got the kids fed & in bed and then played a game (something we used to do) and talked some more. It was getting late so she went to her condo to pack, because she had to leave again Monday morning. She did agree/volunteer to get back up and come to the house at 5:30 am so that I could go to work without having to call the babysitter. Considering she left at 11:30 that was a pretty big gesture.

Well I know I'm not supposed to believe anything they say and less than 50% of what they do, but this seemed very honest and genuine. I am going to try and act as if it is all real and just try to be ready for the inevitable crash. I have no idea what the sitch with OM is and have to wonder. I understand that if she did end that, or if he did, there is going to be a downturn (grieving?) for a little while at some point. I'll try to be ready for it.

I have to say that overall, it was a great day.

Saw her Monday morning, and talked to her on the phone each night, nothing big. Mostly I let her talk about her day and how it went. A while back as part of 180 I tried to point out the things I saw that she did so well with teaching others how to do their jobs better. The funny thing is that since I started Dbing and really listening without letting my own dislikes of her job pulling her away, I've realized how good at it she is. I knew she liked it but wasn't able to see how good she was, because I viewed it as the main source of our problems. I guess you Live and Learn

I'm not sure what things will be like when she gets back tomorrow, I hope this continues. It's quite possible that when she gets back it will be the other end of the spectrum, but I guess we'll see.