Kinda journaling here... feel free to comment or disregard...
She cornered me this morning to talk about D. I remained noncommittal. This drove her crazy, saying there's nothing left to talk about, she wants out. She wants to know whether she should have me served, or whether we can work together (divorce vs. dissolution). I committed to nothing, telling her I need time to think. We do not have the money for either right now anyway...
I did drill down what is the main focus of her dissatisfaction. She sees me incapable of communication. While I agree that communication is something I struggle with, I have been working hard to fix this. This has been difficult because I am reluctant to bring "weighty" subjects up to her (including D). I don't want to be seen as pursuing or trying to earn points. So I guess I need to do more "deep discussion" with her. However, she sees my reluctance to talk about D (following LRT) as just another symptom of my communication problem. I need to talk to my coach about this.
Another issue: Her IC, lover, and girlfriend are all telling her that my behavior is not "a normal response to the situation." Obviously, she has not found my copy of DR (I hid it with another book's dust jacket...). She is worried that I will "snap" and hurt her. I have never hit her before, and she knows I am not a violent person. Not sure what to make of this... I told her people respond in different ways, and I think it's pretty damn sanctimonious for somebody to tell ME what MY response should be.
She did begin to cry at some point in the discussion, so I know all is not lost. She also told me that she is considering "going dark" with OM in order to hurry the D process along. Not sure what she meant by that, and I have no doubt that she is incapable of doing it anyway. She is totally infatuated with him.
I asked her if she has been reading my journal. She said "no." Then she said, gesturing to where the journal was hidden, "I didn't even know you had one." Ended up she admitted that she read it, so she knows I am trying to save our marriage and she said that I consider her on object, like a painting or something. She thinks that I am trying to cling to her. I have been doing GAL, not talking about M... not sure where she gets that conclusion. I have been giving her SO MUCH distance, NEVER asking "where have you been?" or "where are you going?"
OK, that's enough for now...thanks for reading and supporting me.
