from Sunny & Still on Sunny's computer:

Nick, We've just caught up, read the 2nd draft (never got to the 1st) and all the comments & suggestions and, honestly, came to the very same conclusion OT posted. If you really need, we can copy your script (since it wasn't a 'letter' so much as a talk, yes?) & highlight all the "I" stuff and "I want you to hear me" things. Not good.

You said:
Quote:
the purpose is to convince W to postpone/recind the D.
What part of this is NOT controlling, do you think? Making her listen to your realizations and wants & feelings is NOT thinking of anyone but yourself.

You are still trying to get her to do something FOR you, that YOU want and not her. Yes, it's a great thing (postponing the D; saving your M) but is, in effect, ARGUING w/her about what she thinks or wants or needs!

What is the short & sweet that you want W to hear? THat you're sorry (and it's okay to be non-specific here! Don't go off into the "for this & that" tangents); that you care for her (enough to let her go); that you are not wanting to go forward w/the D. Anything else is just verbal ma$terbation. This is NOT about you; it's about her. Care enough about her to allow her decision - whatever it may be. Put the germ of the idea of postponing the D in her mind, but don't ask for a decision right then. Don't even set a deadline. That would be pursuing & pressure, yes? THAT'S how you stop the control.


M-7 yrs
together-8 yrs
S-4yr
S-15yr

Bomb-4/25/07
Sep-same day
me-49
H-49

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1510033&page=0&fpart=1