Separated from WAW

[Willing NJ H]

DLT1 I am also in a similar sitch.

Thanks Atlas.
she said she does not love me like she thinks she should love her H. How's that for double edged? Better than not loving me, but still not there. She keeps saying I'm a good guy and she does not want to hurt me. I said I'll be hurt if it does not work out, but she needs to focus on her and not worry about me right now. She also said she sucks at R's in general. We really had a good talk (if you can call it that), she believes in the fairy tale. It was hard not to disocunt that right away!,

I didn't type it, but my W said exactly the same things. I did a 180 from where I was before the bomb was dropped, and it's been helping a lot. She has come to me a few times since I've been DBing, and given me positive feedback. My W feels that she's no good at relationships, she now wants a fairy tale R (like in a novel) but thinks it will come with no hard work or much compromise.

Give her the space that she wants, but make the most of the time when your around her. Let her see the changes, but don't push or pursue her.

With situations like walking the dogs and such, if she doesn't want to go, go without her. If you ask her to go and she refuses, you not taking them makes it look like your just doing things she wants you to do. If you just go over and take the dogs for walks without even asking her to go, she will see it as a change as long as you keep it up.

As far as DBing, I leave the book where ever I was last reading it (but we're are separated and in the same house.) She has mentioned that she looked at it once or twice, but isn't willing to read it right now. I haven't asked her to read it, but told her (one time) that it contains things that can really help us if she's ever willing, and left it at that. The few things she has read in the book have opened her mind a bit, and it hasn't hurt us.

The thing thats helps me most is reading posts of more experienced DBers. NOMOPO is very inspirational, and GINA is a WAW who feels a lot like our wives. Good luck, and keep posting.