Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Willing NJ H]

Thanks Gina and Heimlich, I relly needed the positive comments. Gina, you are definately a huge help as always; Thanks!

Well,the last 2 days were our regular grind with our horrible opposite schedules. Works been tough this week (Police Officer for those who haven't read; don't want ya to get the wrong idea.) Had husbands beating their wives, gang-bangers shooting at people and another homicide. I come home to being lonely, but playing with my little girl changes the whole world when I get home. I actually stayed at work and hung with the guys for a while after my shift last night. It was a nice change of pace, as our babysitting doesn't usually allow it, and my wife was happy to hear that I actually hung out. My D and I took my mom, stepdad and my grandparents to lunch today. They had a blast with the baby, and it was a nice time. After that, D and I went to a few stores and made it home in time for my wife to see her before she went back to work (she works 12hr midnights and sleeps during the day). Once she went to work, I hung out with my sister and her family all night. My D loves playing with my nephew, so it gave her someone to play with.

All in all, it was good for me, but the thought of having to lose everything and starting over are still drifting through my mind at times. I pass houses for sale and dread the possibilities. I quickly "act as if", and get back on track, but its tough. The loneliness is the worst thing right now, because it reminds me of my sitch and i'm a very romantic and family oriented person.

I'm doing my best, and I seem to be seeing the light at the end of a bad week. Thanks to everyone for helping me keep on track and not forget why i'm here. I got myself so upset and mad last week, that I would've called it all off had it not been for my daughter. My mind is much clearer now, and I see that I was reacting out of pain and fear, and thank god that I didn't let her see it. You guys pulled me through a bad spot and i'm very greatful.