Hello, I don't know if my situation is Midlife Crisis related, or not...but I should be happily married and instead I feel unhappy all the time.
I've only been married for two years and we dated about a year and a half before that. My wife and I are both in our late 30's and this marriage #1 for us both and we have no children yet, but my wife just got pregnant.
I should be happy about being married, being expectant parents, etc...but I find myself being unhappy, dissapointed/dissatisfied, and depressed much of the time. Before getting married I was always happy and cheerful.
I've been trying to figure out why I am so unhappy and it seems as though there are several factors.
The most prevalent factor seems to be my feelings toward my wife's physical appearances though. She has weight issues and has since we met. She had her weight pretty well under control and had actually trimmed down quite a bit when we met. She was about 50 pounds overweight, but I still found her to be attractive and decided that the weight issue was something I thought I could accept and deal with.
Since we were engaged, she has steadily gained weight...to the point that she now is about 100 pounds overweight. She also has changed her hair style and her eye glasses to styles that I find unattractive. I have difficulty feeling physically attracted to her lately. I find myself mentally comparing nearly every other woman that I see and finding that most other women are more attractive to me, than she is. I fear that if opportunity were to present itself...I might be unfaithful to my wife (luckily no opportunities for an affair have come along yet). She also has a few other annoying habits that make me question whether I'll be able to stay married forever.
Now, we have a baby on the way...which is GOOD news except that I have concerns about the health of our marriage. I'm wondering if becoming parents will make the marriage stronger, or put more stress on it. I'm worried that she'll put on even more weight during pregnancy and be really overweight after the birth of our child. Will I still be able to love her? I certainly hope so, but I don't know.
I know I sound shallow, but I'm being truthful. I'm not into glamourous women and I don't mind some extra weight, but I just keep finding myself being unhappy with the appearance of my wife. She knows she's too heavy, but doesn't seem to make serious attempts to get back on track with controlling her weight. I've made a few comments about the hair and eye glasses, but she just doesn't seem to take a hint.
What should I do? I want...and need this marriage to work. I can't even imagine leaving her (even before the pregnancy). I don't think I could live with myself if I broke her heart by leaving or cheating.
Sorry for being so long. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
