Your draft is very well-written and you obviously put a lot of time and heart into it. I agree w/ the others that my first impression was that it was too long. I can see how you might feel, though, that what was suggested would be too short for all that you want to say. Maybe somewhere in the middle, then?
If I am remembering correctly, you were, at one point, writing your W letters every week? (Sorry if I am remembering that wrong) If that is so, then I would bet that a lot of what you wrote in that draft was already written in those letters as far as where you went wrong in the M. There is no need to repeat that stuff. You have written it, she, most likely, has read it.
One thing you might want to make sure you say is that you don't expect an answer from her right that minute. What you are going to be talking to her about is going to take her by surprise and it would be best to let it sink in and give her some time to think about it.
That is perfect that you have an appt. w/ a DB coach tomorrow. I am sure you will get some great feedback from her.
