I think that you're doing so well! It's just that the emotions are so overwhelming, and they seem never to end. Remember that, with your play-acting, your H won't see what you're feeling. Which is a good thing. That's how you want it. But when you've been used to sharing your feelings with someone, it can feel strange and lonely to be hiding them from that same person.
It's a long, sometimes discouraging process, but I think that you have reason to have plenty of hope.
